My Story

[PaddyPower]

Axiety by Patryk
My name is Patryk i am 20 year's old, i have being suffreing from axiety since about 15 months ago and i'm still fighting it every single day i want to show you my story and how it's being for me and what i am slowly relasing, but first i wanna write why and how it did started off.
i was age 14 when i started my '' teenager life '' i was '' enjoying my life '' as some people would say, drinking, smoking weed, smoking ciggarets alot, at age 16 i disscovered new harder drugs and was using it till age 19 when... one day i came home and experienced my first panic attack ( happened after a joint ) for about 8 hours i was jumping from bed to window, and sitting down, i had a stone stuck in my throat couldn't breath, my heart was pumping really fast i started crying i was so mentaly tired and scared that i fell asleep on the chair i woke up next morning scared of everything, but i thought was just a bad trip, so as usual went out to my friends and smoked some pot, then i started thinking in about 5-10minutes i got a panic attack and ran home sitting in my room afraid so i started reading doing some research and realised i suffer from Axiety so the more i was reading and more i was thinking it started getting worst i did not come out the house for about 3 months sitting at home depressed thinking i was going crazy, i started eating less cause every time i ate food i felt like i can't breath and my stomach is sore and heart is going fast... but sure it's normal happens to every human in the world when they eat too much, so i slowly started getting tired of all this, twice i even wrote letter good bye to my parents cause i was 100% sure i'm going to die, but i kept waking up next morning normal ? i didn't die ? my heart is working, i can breath? so i thought this is all bullshiet it's my brain! so why should my brain tell me what to do ? so i disscovered that when i have really bad attack i just need to jump into shower, so i started doing this but not always u can have shower around you, so there was big question what to do?! as i am afraid of doctors, dentists or psychologists i just went to normal pharmency and got tablets called KALMS which are natural tablets that have helped some people with stress, and it did help me alot. but there was still this very bad feeling in me when i was getting stressed and worried, so i meet my Love, and every time we used to go on a date right before the date i was shaking, sweating, so afraid to have a heart attack, but when she finally came out to me it was all gone? i forgot about it so the more time i was spending with my Love i was feeling better, happier,like i needed her to fight it and i realised if i am having a heart attack but minute later i am fine ? something it's not right. then i was sitting down thinking it's my brain just playing tricks on me so i started treating it as a friend as i need this axiety to be here so i don't feel lonely. so it all went away, but i got another axiety every time i was on the bus or in my girlfriends house i felt like i need to go to toilet for a POO, so many of times i just told my girlfriend i feel sick and i need to go home ( i needed poo ) i was just scared to have one in her house but when i got home i didn't need to go toilet? so from one axiety to another, so i was thinking the more i am scared of not having my toilet around me i just need to go for poo, so every time i needed to poo i just started doing something else try to concentrate on it, and i still have this in my head i need to go toilet atleast 3 times per day and kinda afraid to eat outside but i am slowly working on it.
and now about 3 weeks ago my biggest fear came back! i ate alot of chocolate and went toilet and puked, i started feeling my axiety, it came back but really strong this time, i couldn't sleep i had a fear of nothing! i can breath, my heart isn't going fast, all what i feel is sore muscles, and i cant relax but i have this worry feeling inside me like something it's not okay. so every time i ate i got sick cause it made me feel better, sitting in the shower 2-3 times per day and in time of 2 weeks i got to this stage i'm afraid to walk out my house, i just sit in my room, i went to work and i cried in the toilet paniced and ran home, next day i went and got some medicine: Lexapro 10MG, half beta-prograne 80mg prolonged release capsules and Lexotan 3Mg it's my third day of taking it, the first day i took it i felt really bad had one of the biggest axiety attacks, and now i am slowly relasing maybe i don't need medicine? i just need to relax, take it inside me, let the axiety come into me, show it a nice feeling dont show it that i am sad, stressed or i panic, just make it feel comfortable, take the axiety like it's your friend who you didn't see for a long time, but it's really hard to win with it, any suggestions ?

[1Bluerose68]

Wow, what a fun trip. I wish I was there like a ,"Fly in the corner of the room, watching this all occur." Too bad you didn't put it on You Tube.com or something to teach people a lesson about how bad drugs are and how friggen Amuck they will ruin your system and instill havoc in your life. So dont do that too often. Good Luck.....

[Kixxi]

Axiety by Patryk
My name is Patryk i am 20 year's old, i have being suffreing from axiety since about 15 months ago and i'm still fighting it every single day i want to show you my story and how it's being for me and what i am slowly relasing, but first i wanna write why and how it did started off.
i was age 14 when i started my '' teenager life '' i was '' enjoying my life '' as some people would say, drinking, smoking weed, smoking ciggarets alot, at age 16 i disscovered new harder drugs and was using it till age 19 when... one day i came home and experienced my first panic attack ( happened after a joint ) for about 8 hours i was jumping from bed to window, and sitting down, i had a stone stuck in my throat couldn't breath, my heart was pumping really fast i started crying i was so mentaly tired and scared that i fell asleep on the chair i woke up next morning scared of everything, but i thought was just a bad trip, so as usual went out to my friends and smoked some pot, then i started thinking in about 5-10minutes i got a panic attack and ran home sitting in my room afraid so i started reading doing some research and realised i suffer from Axiety so the more i was reading and more i was thinking it started getting worst i did not come out the house for about 3 months sitting at home depressed thinking i was going crazy, i started eating less cause every time i ate food i felt like i can't breath and my stomach is sore and heart is going fast... but sure it's normal happens to every human in the world when they eat too much, so i slowly started getting tired of all this, twice i even wrote letter good bye to my parents cause i was 100% sure i'm going to die, but i kept waking up next morning normal ? i didn't die ? my heart is working, i can breath? so i thought this is all bullshiet it's my brain! so why should my brain tell me what to do ? so i disscovered that when i have really bad attack i just need to jump into shower, so i started doing this but not always u can have shower around you, so there was big question what to do?! as i am afraid of doctors, dentists or psychologists i just went to normal pharmency and got tablets called KALMS which are natural tablets that have helped some people with stress, and it did help me alot. but there was still this very bad feeling in me when i was getting stressed and worried, so i meet my Love, and every time we used to go on a date right before the date i was shaking, sweating, so afraid to have a heart attack, but when she finally came out to me it was all gone? i forgot about it so the more time i was spending with my Love i was feeling better, happier,like i needed her to fight it and i realised if i am having a heart attack but minute later i am fine ? something it's not right. then i was sitting down thinking it's my brain just playing tricks on me so i started treating it as a friend as i need this axiety to be here so i don't feel lonely. so it all went away, but i got another axiety every time i was on the bus or in my girlfriends house i felt like i need to go to toilet for a POO, so many of times i just told my girlfriend i feel sick and i need to go home ( i needed poo ) i was just scared to have one in her house but when i got home i didn't need to go toilet? so from one axiety to another, so i was thinking the more i am scared of not having my toilet around me i just need to go for poo, so every time i needed to poo i just started doing something else try to concentrate on it, and i still have this in my head i need to go toilet atleast 3 times per day and kinda afraid to eat outside but i am slowly working on it.
and now about 3 weeks ago my biggest fear came back! i ate alot of chocolate and went toilet and puked, i started feeling my axiety, it came back but really strong this time, i couldn't sleep i had a fear of nothing! i can breath, my heart isn't going fast, all what i feel is sore muscles, and i cant relax but i have this worry feeling inside me like something it's not okay. so every time i ate i got sick cause it made me feel better, sitting in the shower 2-3 times per day and in time of 2 weeks i got to this stage i'm afraid to walk out my house, i just sit in my room, i went to work and i cried in the toilet paniced and ran home, next day i went and got some medicine: Lexapro 10MG, half beta-prograne 80mg prolonged release capsules and Lexotan 3Mg it's my third day of taking it, the first day i took it i felt really bad had one of the biggest axiety attacks, and now i am slowly relasing maybe i don't need medicine? i just need to relax, take it inside me, let the axiety come into me, show it a nice feeling dont show it that i am sad, stressed or i panic, just make it feel comfortable, take the axiety like it's your friend who you didn't see for a long time, but it's really hard to win with it, any suggestions ?

Hi Paddy,

I can assure you that you are not alone. My story is extremely similar to yours. I got my first and worst panic attack after smoking a joint. Luckily I never tried any other drugs, but a few joints started my problems. My heart felt like it was going in overdrive, I started sweating, hyperventilating and was convinced I was going to die. This all started when I was seventeen. I had a few panic attacks here and there, but it really started to affect my life on the age of 20. I started locking myself in the house, did not go out at all and started on anti-depressants. Unfortunately, it took me seven years to take my life in my own hands again. My generalized anxiety is completely under control and I am no longer afraid of panic attacks I get at home. I still have some pretty intense agoraphobia, but now I've applied for therapy which I will be starting soon.

The advice I can give you is seek help right away. I waited way to long and ended up on so many tablets I was in a constant haze. What affects us the most is being afraid of the fear itself. Once that starts you can develop agoraphobia, GAD and even social phobia. I personally would not start on medication immediately, but would find therapy as soon as possible. I was on tablets for seven years and am now stopping on doctor's advice, and I swear, it has been the hardest thing to kick them. Pills are only a sedative that won't handle the root of the problem. A joint can bring the initial panic attack symptoms, but if you let it control you it will limit your life in so many ways. You will get better, do not ever doubt that. Also, if you start on medicine, you have to take into account that it can take a few weeks for it to start working. When I started taking medication, I had extreme panic attacks for two weeks until they started to kick in.

Also, and additional advice, fighting a panic attack is the worst thing to do. It will only increase your feelings of anxiety, sometimes it is better just to let it happen and explain to yourself why it is happening. For example: I am in a place I am not comfortable in or where I experience some fear, hence why my body is releasing adrenaline and making me feel this way. It will pass soon because a panic attack cannot last forever. Never forget that the only thing that a panic attack will do is make you feel uncomfortable or exhausted. I know it sounds easier said than done, and it does need some practice, but once you stop being afraid of panic attacks you will start to heal.