I wish I had something good to say for once...but i don't. I suppose I shouldn't apologize because that's what this forum is about...right? So here's a peak into my mind before I signed on.
Once again I was sitting here drying my hair with head phones on like I always do....and thinking. Thinking about how sad I feel and how I want it to stop. I then looked out my window and could see our pool. Out of my control...I started to fantasize. I started imaging tying a big heavy rock to myself and jumping in. In this fantasy I saw myself struggling to get loose because I changed my mind. But I couldn't get loose. At that moment I imagined those 2-4 minutes being my last. I died. Oddly I felt a lot of relief. I then started to cry and snapped out of it. Signed on to here.......now here I am. Has anyone ever had fantasies like this? Or am I just nuts?