toilet anxiety/fear

[lob09]

Hi everyone,

I've just discovered this site and since I don't really like talking with people I know about (what I think is) anxiety, this is perfect. I'm 20 years old and this is the second 'bout' of anxiety I've had, so to speak. It first started in college at a leaving ceremony where I knew I couldn't leave the room. I panicked and went on to have an anxiety attack, though I had no idea what was happening at the time. I managed to calm myself down by taking deep breaths and telling myself that nothing bad was going to happen, but it stemmed from a fear of needing to go to the toilet and not being able to. I'd never experienced that fear before, or had any stomach problems at all, so it just began from nowhere.

Anyway, after the ceremony I began to feel anxious more and more often, I'd avoid staying at my boyfriend's house, saying I felt "ill", and every time I went somewhere I'd work myself up so much beforehand that I'd need the toilet while I was out. (Writing this I know how silly a fear it sounds, but I can't help it.) So, naturally, my social life began to suffer. Breaking up with my boyfriend didn't make it any better, and I was supposed to leave home for University in a couple of months. The Summer wasn't too bad, because I didn't have to go to college and I wasn't working at the time, so anywhere I did go, I was free to leave. It all stopped when I went to University. I think it must have been the shock of being in a completely different environment, or something. I was really homesick though, and I did eventually come back home.

I re-applied to a University near home so I could commute, which I currently do. But I had to wait a year before starting, so in the meantime I worked. That whole year I had no anxiety/fear at all, and became very outgoing and an optimistic person. Then I re-started University, and the anxiety is back 10x worse than before. It was triggered by having an upset stomach in a seminar, and having to leave the room in front of everybody to go to the toilet. Since then I get severe panic/anxiety attacks in almost every seminar/lecture, and it's beginning to affect my attendance. I'm supposed to be in a seminar now, but my stomach is unsettled just thinking about it. Most of the time I manage to overcome it and attend Uni so my attendance isn't worryingly bad, but then days like today I just feel so down and can't bear facing the outside world.

I went to the doctors a while back and they gave me iron tablets (I used to have anaemia and had low white blood cells again) and diagnosed me with IBS, but I know it's not just that. I'm still down all the time and this anxiety is stopping me from living my life. I want to drive to a Uni friend's house, go out and stay the night but I can't physically do it. I want to travel and maybe even live abroad after University but right now it doesn't even bear thinking about. Wherever I go, I just can't wait to get home and be safe in my little bubble.

The times where I really feel strong are when I'm with my friends from school, because they know all about it and so I don't have to panic. I've recently begun driving as well, and I suffer anxiousness driving in places I don't know, so bad that I sometimes have to stop the car to calm myself down.

I haven't been diagnosed with anxiety or depression or anything like that, but I know there is something not quite right. I'm a 20 year old girl and I wish I could have the lives of other girls my age.

Sorry this is so long, I just wanted to tell the whole story. If anyone has suffered anything similar or knows anything about it, replies would be great.

[shell11]

Hi lob

I'm in the same boat as you, I have anxiety as well to the point where I need a toilet too , I was so bad I used to sleep on the toilet floor cos I needed to be close to a toilet ... It was a very hard habit to break but I did and now I sleep in my bedroom , it is a hard thing to break I know , I also go to Uni as well I find it hard as well , ESP exam time , what I have down with Uni is I have spoken to my lectures about my anxiety it really helps they are very understanding people and I'm sure they will help you get through ... I find with lectures I take notes and also I always keep a pen or pencil in my hand and just play with it ... And you know it's only a 1 or 2 hours long as well .... It's hard if you want to chat more let me know ... PM me and we can chat

[ann007]

I have iBS anxiety. Most of my anxiety is centered around my stomach issues. I sit as close to exits as possible incase I need to get to the restroom. I've been dealing with this for 10 years. My best advise is try and accept it, know that a lot of people deal with it. If you are going somewhere that a bathroom situation is not known, take some anti- diarrhea meds. I always get nervous before heading out in the morning and use the toilet a lot but once I get out and about its always better. Don't let it rule your life!!

[bonnie1013]

So nice to know that I am not alone with this. I am housebound because of my digestive problems. I feel that I have developed anxiety due to having so many unpleasant experiences while out and about. I even keep a portable toilet in the back of my van. I live out in the country which makes it harder to leave home. The anti diarrhea stuff doesn't seem to help at all. Sick of being a prisoner!!!

[Lin]

When trying yo go out and hate it, I go to the loo so many times even when i don't want to. My husband always shuffles if go out to watch something because he feels like he wants to go all the time. Think it is just a way of anxiety showing itself. Especially if somewhere not easy, your head is always determined to need to go.