Hey, i'm new here so kinda nervous to post. But it seems quite nice to be in a place where people might understand.
I'm going to sum up what I've been going through recently:
-I have had anxious and depressed feelings for over 7 months now
-When I am not around anyone I know, even on a bus or train I can just end up in tears if I feel down.
-The tiniest things can trigger me into upset, such as running out of loo paper, spilling a drink, forgetting to do my laundry.
-I haven't cut myself since I ended up in hospital 7 months ago but recently I have been having urges to do it again.
-I haven't gone back to the doctors since my self-harming incident because I applied to the armed forces and don't want this on my medical record (although I've come to realise there is obviously a reason they don't accept people with depression onto the forces).
-I haven't told anyone about my feelings, it makes me uncomfortable. The one time I tried to confide in my mother about it she fobbed it off and got a bit annoyed at my suggestion that I may be suffering from depression or anxiety or both.
-My mind is constantly thinking, I can't turn it off. I struggle to get to sleep and when i do it is very lightly, I have vivid dreams and often wake up in the night with hot sweats.
-Recently I have cried less and don't feel as unhappy as I used to, but my stress levels are through the roof. While I am not as down I am now extremely irritable, angry, stressed, can't turn my brain off, and the urges to self-harm have returned.
It feels relieving to just write down how I feel. I could never imagine confessing this to someone face to face. I just wish I could make this go away on my own, but I've waited over 7 months now and it's still here...
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