Anxiety regarding physical contact with women

[andrjor]

Almost 2 years ago i experienced something which caused heavy anxiety panic attacks and depression. For about 1.5 year this was all i could think of and i was constantly occupied with negative thoughts. I have gotten better since then, but generall anxiety and some depression still remain. The worst thing, which i hope someone can come with tips for , is the part with physical contact with women. This was never an issue before by the way.
The thing is: i have no problem with talking to women, but when i know something is about to happen, something happens with me and i get very nervous and feel very unwell and i only want to get away. I always back out of these situations, which feels releaving at that moment, but i hate myself afterwards, because i know i have to overcome this somehow.
This is not just because i want to get laid, that is actually the last reason, but i have big problems establishing relationships with women because i know that after beeing together with a women a couple of times, i know that certain things are expected, and this is what i want too. I have not told anyone about it execpt my theurapist, which maybe can make it worse, because i feel i have to 'deliver results' to my friends, because i actually was very popular with the ladies before.

I dont know what causes it, but the 1.5 year with heavy anxiety and depression definitely has something to do with it. Maybe i am afraid that i wont be able to achieve and erection because i feel so nervous. I try to tell my self its not 'dangerous', but that only makes me engaging in the negative thoughts, which i have learned does not cause good.

I really hope someone can help me, and i have a hope that everything needed is for me to get past this 'challenge' just once, so i see there is nothing to fear. I guess its similar to the first time you jump from a high spot into the water. Its incredibly terrifying at first ( at least for me), but after the first time, maybe two, your not scared at all.

Thanks for listening to me guys, much love.

[guitarist]

Too bad nobody responded to your thread. Unfortunately I do not have any advice for you on this aspect, but I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone! I also don't have problems with talking to women, but when they are starting to get interested in me I back off. Not only because the physical thing, but also because I think too far ahead. I'm starting to thing: what if I would get a relationship with her? Than I would have to meet her family, her friends. And lots more. I am not sure what to do against it. The only thing I would suggest... if you feel strong at a moment and you come in such a situation, just go for it. I know it is hard, but you really want to get over it or else it will affect you for the rest of your life. Good luck and hopefully you are able to get over it. It's never a bad thing to discuss it with your therapist. Maybe he/she knows what to do. Good luck!

[Dave G]

Hey buddy, I can relate. It stems back to high school for me. I was a lady killer then haha. But seriously though, I really was good with the ladies - to the point where I got the "manwhore" reputation, which I embraced! Then I started dating this hot girl instead of whoring around. I don't think i meant for it to get as serious as it did, but we ended up dating for 5 years! 4 of those years was through college, but then we broke up the summer after I graduated due to distance, mostly. So here I was, a former manwhore, out of the game for 5 years. A lot changes in the interactions between males and females from age 17 to age 23. After we broke up, I had the mentality that I needed to pick up where I left off in high school and just start getting with random good looking girls. But at this point I no longer had the reputation I used to, which was a major factor to my game. That made it harder to meet/ get with girls, or at least girl that I thought met my old standards. (I know I sound like an asshole but that was just who I was, sorry). This really added to my anxiety, which was much less severe before me and my gf broke up. I had expectations for myself that I wasn't meeting. Then I started getting paranoid about what my friends thought, kinda like how you say you feel like you need to "deliver results". Same for me. I felt like my college buddies all knew me as the guy with the hot gf, so he must be able to get hot girls. But after we broke up, I wasn't getting any! I had a few flings, but they were more or less below my standards. Unsatisfactoy. Nowadays I find myself nervous to talk to really hot girls and I hate to admit it, but I guess I've lowered my standards - which kills me because i look the same way I did before, and I know that based on looks alone I could compete with the best of em. But my, temporary personality we'll call it, is the only thing in my way. If I could get past my nervousness I know I could be in any girl's league. So, I can relate to you man. I'd say your biggest problem, like me, is fear. You fear the consequences and dwell on the "what ifs", just like I do. "What if I can't get it up?", "What if she doesn't like me like that", "What if my friends think I have no game". Constantly asking yourself questions like that will only make you focus on those consequences, and ultimately fear them. One solution to that is to avoid the interaction, like we've done. No risk taken, then no negative consequence, right? But it's like they say, Big risk = Big reward. I'm no one to give advice. I'm a sufferer like you and not an expert. But I think that makes sense. If we can just convince ourselves to act on it...