guilt

[okami1995]

So recently I've been going through some anxiety, which can sometimes lead me to feel depressed. Right now I'm feeling depressed over something from nearly a year ago. A stupid joke I made about something, and it's only on hindsight I realise how insensitive of me it was to make a joke. I mean, people died for gods sake. It wasn't directed at the victims, but rather at someone I dislike being the cause. I don't feel guilt towards that person, because I still strongly dislike them, but it was still insensitive of me to make a joke, and now I feel horrible about it. How do I get over it, because I feel miserable about the whole thing

[AshleighSuzanne]

guilt is a powerful feeling and will generally make you feel really low and depressed if you keep replaying this in your mind. best thing to do is forget about it first off, maybe apologise to this person, just say what i said to you a while ago was really insensative of me and for that im really sorry i feel terrible about it, i shouldnt have said anything about what ever was said. Then you will know you have apologised you did mean just because you dislike this person does not mean you have to horrible to them just ignore them and carry on like there not eve there. Anxiety is a horrid thing to go through i to am going through the same thing right now with panic attacks and such but the best thing to do in these situtations were you feel anxious is just breath stay calm and shut your eyes count to 10 and your be fine again =] honestly it works. dont let it beat you down just apologise and move one you will feel better the other person will feel better and your be ok.

[okami1995]

I refuse to ever apologize to that terrible person, he made my school life hell. Besides, I don't feel guilty towards him, I feel guilty towards the victims of the event.

[jessed03]

The way people usually overcome this, often with help from a therapist, is they play it out and play it out and play it out. The feel it so deeply, and focus on it, live it, and experience it. It can be confusing to do alone, some people manage, others don't. If you don't. Get somebody to help you out. The only thing you have to feel guilty about, is leaving yourself out to suffer.

Thoughts and feelings mean nothing. Only 1 of every 100 thoughts you have will be of any use to your survival. The others will be a combination of; ruminations, reliving the past, guessing an unpredictable future, or trying to process this tension and confusion you feel.

Only 1 in about 100 feelings mean anything. Most of the others are just endless useless cycles of anxiety, excitement, confusion, tension or apprehension, that all practically lead nowhere except round and round. Maybe 1 or 2 of every 100 will be feelings that can advance your relationships, like feelings of love or appreciation or contenetment.

99% of the time, people just think and feel, simply because it's something to do. A way of being occupied. Many of us have come to a conclusion that what happens within our heads and body, is 'Life', because we know nothing else. And in that way, it's true. But thoughts and feelings are life, only in the sense that they allow us to become aware of life. We confuse them for being the actual substance.

The problem isn't that you are thinking these thoughts. The problem isn't that you are feeling these feelings. The problem is that you're trying desperately to change it.

You spend more time thinking and feeling about this, than you do of eating. I was the same. Where do you think your body, therefore, puts this condition onto its list of priorities. I'm guessing slap bang at the top. And we then wonder why something won't go away, when we spend about 100 times more energy on it, than on life giving functions.

There is nothing you can ever do to stop yourself feeling this way. You know why you feel bad? Not because you feel guilty, but because you feel guilty about feeling guilty. You hate yourself because you can't change the past, and you can't change how you feel. And we know the mind hates it when it can't do something. About 5% of the guilt is because of the event. About 95% of it, is because you can't stop yourself thinking and feeling it. There are lots of things to distract it, like distraction therapy, alcohol and drugs, medication. But they don't stop you feeling things. They just distract you while they happen.

Nobody can change their thoughts and feelings though. Because 98% just happen with no rhyme or reason or order. You don't control them. People are led to believe through therapy that they can change what's in their head. It's merely a case of focusing on the thoughts they prefer, instead of eliminating them. Both are already there. Most of basic human conciousness, is the simple process of clinging onto certain thought chains that cross their minds, and engaging in them.

What happens is the mind fixes itself on it's own. The more you try to interfere, the more you are getting involved in what it needs to do naturely. That is, to stop thinking. Thinking isn't what we were programmed to do. It was only a small part of it. A tool to help us. It's against our whole evolutionary upbrining. While we're thinking, we're not totally aware of danger. The mind is programmed not to think, but in todays world we engage in it more and more and more, which isn't bad, but incredibly excessive.

But you can never stop thinking, EVER, if you keep thinking about how to stop thinking. You just have to completely let go and have fun with it. Completely, just throw in the towel, and make no effort to change your thoughts and feelings.That doesn't mean you let them win and keep engaging the bad thoughts, and encouraging them. You let go entirely of both. They are both just thought.

Play them out to such an extreme that the emotion goes. Screw it, you're a monster, a complete and utter scumbag. You don't have a good bone in your body. There's not a thing good to be said about you. You've never done a thing right. You're a plague to society! You've done nothing but hurt the world.

See where I'm going? You'll notice after a while, you're mind actually becomes bored of it. It's a fun little game it plays now. A game filled with self-importance, drama, conflict, relief, confusion. As soon as you stop rising to it, it gets bored and stops playing. You don't have to do anything to stop it, it will stop it's self.

Once it's bored of anxiety, and it cant get it's drama... it just natrely stops. It just quiets. I remember well, that I knew my anxiety battles were coming to an end, when I was well and truly bored of a panic attack. My body would scream "HELP! DO SOMETHING! YOU MUST!" and I was just so bored of it. I'd actually joke about it, yep, this one's for real. I'm a gonna this time. This is that bird flu they're all on about. (Not that I recommend others wind up panic attacks, I was in an advanced stage, and it's just my style)

The point is they stopped. The definition of Anxiety in the Oxford dictionary is:

A feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome.
A Desire to do something, typically accompanied by unease.

Anxiety makes us believe we HAVE to do something. That our life depends on it. But it's a total hoax. We don't have to do anything.
When people ask What do I do about anxiety? THAT is anxiety talking, the part of the brain that blieves they have a massive problem. They saying I have to STOP anxiety!! It can never work in that frame of mind. Anxiety can't get rid of anxiety. It's like trying to eliminate fire with fire.

Anxiety stems around the feeling you have to do something. You don't... When you free yourself from forcing yourself how to act, how to think, how to feel... Then anxiety becomes a redundant emotion. It happens by and large, on it's own.

Stop trying not to think and feel things. It's impossible, it's random, you have no control over. Let it happen... Make absolutely NO attempt to stop any of it. It's impossible anyway.... That just creates more anxiety and guilt, because you feel you have no control.

Play it out, stretch it. Have fun with it. Make it a joke. Your mind tells you you've evil, then you're Lucifer himself, re-incarnate. You're mind tells you to feel guilty, joke around, tell it you're about to write a 30 page document confessing all your sins to the God and the Police.

You're mind is going to think this, regardless, so don't worry about it. Theres just no need. Theres nothing you can do. Once it all becomes boring, you'll naturally just stop listening.

It feels terrifying at first. But that's the anxiety going out of your system. That's all of that chronic tension, telling you to "CHANGE SOMETHING" draining away.
After a short while you literally realize the games boring now. These thoughts pop into your head, and you've seen them before, done them before. You've played it out to every extreme, you've let it go as far as it wants to go. You've forced it to go further. It's like playing a video game. Once you've finished it, it's really not as fun anymore, and if you do keep playing, it's always out of choice and not necessity to that "Must keep playing" feeling.
That's why exposure therapy, and taking these thoughts and feelings to the extreme help. You realize that theres nothing you can do stop yourself. And you suddenly, out of all the confusion and tension... feel at ease. Thing's begin to eliminate themselves.

Over time... You're mind will begin to become quieter, and quieter and quieter. Therefore your feelings will follow.