Just looking to talk and Sort Things Out

[joolz5108]

Hey everyone, I figured I'd introduce myself because I am new to these types of forums. My name is Julia, I am 21 years old. I have dealt with anxiety/depression ever since graduating high school and entering college. There have been periods when it has been manageable, and there have been periods when I felt so overwhelmed and nothing seemed to work. Right now, because I've had anxiety for so long I feel that I can recognize when it is really starting to affect me and try to make a change in my attitude or tell myself that everything is going to be OK and calm myself down and focus on being grateful for the things that I do have in life.

Recently, however a new anxiety symptom has shown up in my life and I'm not quite sure ho to handle it. This is the reason I came to this forum, hoping people can share what they do in similar situations. The problem is not easily stated but I'll try to focus on just one part of the problem that has been recently nagging me.

SO, I often go out on the weekends with a close friend and drink and try to let loose. Lately, she has been hanging out with a new group of people who all seem very nice but It is SO HARD for me to let my guard down around them and form any sort of connection with them. I know they like me, but I forfeit to my anxiety and usually become what feels like a shadow in the room. I don't speak cause i don't know what to say, I walk around pretending to have a good time, but knowing that I actually want to build a relationship with these people and that its just not working. I can't let my guard down, whereas I know that I sometime have these moments when I can shine brightly and enjoy myself. I haven't had one of these moments with these people yet, and really want them to like me and see the true me.

To sum it up I feel like i put pressure on myself to act a certain way, and when that doesn't work I give up and forfeit and not try anymore. It also doesn't help that one of the guys in the group I went on a date with a couple of weeks ago, because WHAT DO YOU KNOW I acted myself around him and he was interested and asked me out. But now whenever I see him I clam up. I don't want to let him in. I'm just all around scared. I feel like I have been doing so well in other aspects of my life (school + work) that If I lose control of the social aspect of my life than it will affect EVERY aspect of my life. I don't want this.

anyways, I just let myself get on a roll and panic there. I'm just looking for someone to share some advice with me about how they take the pressure off of themselves when they feel their anxiety creeping up on them.

Thanks!

[alankay]

Julia, like me it's a combination of fear of rejection, fear of being hurt, fear of the unknown and change as well as some social anxiety. Rest assured it's alllll just anxiety in various forms. Very common and almost predictable.
Are you seeing a counselor? On any meds? An ssri made me less self conscious and that helped allot. It help me ruminate less which is key. Once I realized/saw I was just once again letting anxiety contain me as I had in the past I was able to get better in the part of my life. Once I saw I used to experience anticipatory anxiety and let it make me hesitate, I was and able to remind myself not to let that stop me from doing things or get to know new people. Now I know better as I have lived it.
I know you may feel that meeting someone might wind up "ruining your life" as you think of the worst case scenarios first allot. We all do that. But it rarely happens. Try and take calculated risks/changes and grow from that. Let "prospects" know you need to take it slow and go from there.
It's worth the risks as a life worth living come from taking some chances after all. PM me any time. Alankay.