Just reading this is getting me worked up and nervous.

I have the same problem, not so much that I won't go to the doctor- I still don't, but if I did - I would probably be one of those patients that has a list of every illness possible, every symptom written down, etc. And I would anticipate finding out what's wrong with me, but I would OBSESS about it for the rest of my life, constantly living in fear that something terrible could go wrong.

I remember the first day I actually thought about dying and how scared that I was. I was either 7 or 8 and I was in the bathtub at my grandmother's house. All of a sudden, I choked on water and I thought, "Wow, what if I had died just now?" and I got to thinking about how death is so scary and how I don't understand it and about how I don't know what's going to happen, even though I was raised to believe there's a heaven. So, I started screaming and crying and just freaking out.

The second time I really had an anxiety attack about death was in 7th grade. (I try my absolute HARDEST not to think about death because I really, really freak out.) I was sleeping over at my friends house and I was started blabbing about how weird it would be to know someone that died and how freaked out I would be, because once someone dies, they're gone forever. You never see them again, hear their voices, etc. And it just caused me to break down in tears and I was upset for days about it.

I also fear my best friend's death. I fear that more than my own, I think. If she doesn't call me or text me or just let me know that she's alive and well at least once an hour, I have to find out if she's alright. And there have been countless times where I was literally CONVINCED that she had died and just no one had told me. And I'm not being 'clingy', either. I'm just sincerely scared about it.

Another thing is, I am terrified of the end of the world, or catalytic events. Those also cause me to break down into tears and shake until everything hurts.
It's unbearable.

But, hey! I hope things are looking up for you and I hope that you get to feeling better about the world and things soon, you've got to keep a positive attitude, even though it's worrisome.