~ PONDER : Back On The Perch - Sometimes Raw, Sometimes Not. "b^.^d"

[Ponder]

- Good Morning -
Nice gentle breeze this morning - I'll be tending my plants today:

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I've actually got a bit of work to do on the other side of the window. My potted garden has really improved over the last year or so. I'll update those images once I've spent the better part of the day tending those. I have enough plants so that the air that comes in carries with it some extra freshness. Right now with my bedroom door open and the celling fan on low there is a fresh gentle breeze ventilating through. This makes me now think I would enjoy having an environmental readout I could put on my wall. That really is what my new project is all about.

I've always talked about making a blog or page on all this aspects to health Vs the industry I have often contrasted such with but for whatever reason always get side track. I guess it's liken to all the yelling and screaming in this forum of late with snippets of sanity that seeks to explain. Such makes me grateful that I have mostly been through all that. I still struggle but for the most part can now see the better side of me is worth tending to like my plants. The tougher of my friends that did not let me go as I started softening up I eventually broke ties. Bit like the forum tools with the ignore feature I guess. That's when I started pruning my own tree and got to say it was for the best. Just like in places like these, they too were trolling me. I think it's a universal thing that takes time to work out is all. So glad I found something of worth in me when breaking ties although when I reflect on it much of that worth in me is what made these would be friends turn like so. This is the fallacy of success and what little it brings.

Having already alluded to preparing for my future with living arrangements in mind and doing what I can to minimize any kind of transition I guess for now I am making the most of how I term what is. Such phrases always seem to more more disempowering Vs accepting. What is is what I choose to make it not how it is that others would have me see it. Of course such discerning takes shape on a personal level where in a world full of deception it's easy to loose sight of what personally matters within. Again the language fails where the person in personally, is twisted and manipulated by a system that looks to complicate it and this is why I no longer wish to be a part of it.

Yet I can't deny the synergy of connection and how that ties into healing. Thinking in such terms of gardening and nature kind of simplifies it all for me. Our language and the quest to complicate it with current programming doing no more to inspire desire which just ends up with ongoing tensions. I'll certainly never get a grip on main stream mental health narratives as it's just as full of the same conflicting ideology to that which it aims to intergrade affected individuals into. In this sense it really is all part and parcel to the same machine.

I smile to think how here in my room that during the latest session I had with the visiting psychologist, how nicely he put it by claiming that my latest room project is like me drawing a line in the sand.

He understands me very well. He comes from Fiji also has traits of ASD and ADHD. The latter something he tunes into exceptionally well. I've now been seeing him for well over two years now and with much more regularity to any of the previous two which where divided across eight years. Whilst the other psychologists (one clinical the other registered) are exceptional in their own way, I'm hoping this lasted fellow continues with his studies to get his PHDs. He sees my daughter as well and has an interest in the family as a whole. Sadly this aspect is not enabled as much as it should be. From my experience the degradation of community services very much comes down into the division and privacy polices that plays into controlling measures since the implementation of regional politics as outlined by the United Nations. There is no con in this theory. It's not a theory. It's actually fact for anyone of us who has cared to look beyond the marketing regardless of what side of the fence one takes a view.

At any rate ... I never stand in one camp or beleive anything other than seeing the world change around me and gauging how National, State and Local Policies dictate community services as someone that's been reliant on them his whole life. Whilst my view as someone more or less labeled as byproduct will undoubted have different insights to someone educated and employed to handle the labels and others still, that tend to varioius dynamics more akin to the buffering within a system that we know as governance. Regardless of the difference in ideology and or experiential conditioning, many of us with different world views are actually now seeing and experiencing the same thing.

Yet, the apparent inability to convey as much in any meaningful way that makes positive changes on the lower levels is buffered as it is designed to be via a well designed complex language by those in power intended it to be. Everyone wants a PHD but even those have limits in such a system as it be. From a service point of view it can help to get your head around such things as it makes for good conversation with therapists who also have to struggle with such constraints. The warranting we go through from a client perspective is also very much the same for them when delegating or prescribing whatever measures. Such understandings also make acknowledgements for those in whatever varying degrees and segments more able to buffer the buffer so to speak. lol ... I am just getting tiered of it all and yes ... most certainly drawing a line in the sand.

So it is that the help we seek is more important that we get genuine people regardless of the complexity and constraints. If your interested in keeping your head above water in this sector of the community you need people that are willing to do the work rather than fall victim themselves to complacency which just sees both client and workers being churned up in the machine.

Speaking of such I have been requested to forward a wall of text that better defines and will assist the nature of my supports. It can be such a drain as I say but I understand the need at this point given all of the above and each time I do I know it just adds to my case. The reality in that though is knowing the pit falls of over-identification that I have not really extrapolated despite repeating the notion; to any meaningful degree.

My struggle is navigating that damn regional control aspect that's is making every aspect of living life a *contractual mutual obligation* with little regard for the avalanche of conflicts when it comes to treating people as humans. On this level people are literally becoming drones programmed by bots. For now I press enter and think about my next approach when dabbling in my own programming. I just caught the therapist on the way out the door after visiting another room. I got some good ideas off him which I'll outline in my next post.

First I go for a ride on my bike - check in at the spot I previously shared - come back and then start an outline that plays second fiddle to the symptoms so often exploited re *mental illness* but highlight the primary nature of what makes me - me - something often misunderstood and or interpreted in that label ASD. The conflict is that the latter is not appropriately recognized in the terms of said *contractual mutual obligations* but relies more on the calling cards aspect *mental illness* which is more used to usher people into doing what those empowered say.

Off to debrief with the ocean air and sea breeze.