Dave's Dairy

[Ponder]

Haha - I thought that bs about illegal activity was funny as well. Like that really put the wind up us.
When I was homeless I used to walk into the odd police station when having had enough and plead with them to locked me up. Some people just don't know what true suffering is. Yet obviosly there is much unresolved pain with this one. Sad it is continually shared as bitterness. But what can we do?

I think it is best we leave that to the pop corn : ) as we probably already encouraged it too much. What that idiot did and is doing rates far worse than the harmless act of downloading a couple of torrents. Like I am shaking in my boots.

Moving on.

I hope you have a lovely Sunday and it is going well and or that this finds you having a good rest doing things you enjoy and puts you at ease.

LOL about your comment re the algorithm and they not knowing what to make of you. Very funny. I like that. That is a good thing. Trust me, If I could be so bold as to say. I'm glad we can make each other smile and chuckle in a world that is such a struggle. That said here is to a day that sees us with a little more energy. Thanks for letting me have fun with the video. I enjoy sharing how I do such even if you already knew. I ended up teaching myself more about subtitles which is a good thing for me. I often miss a lot of what it really going on even when using headphones. My sensorial issues can make it hard to focus on dialogue with too much action and background stuff. I actually think some movies make it hard for people with so called normally hearing and sensory levels. The gloss is too overpowering these days in a LOT of movies which is kind of sad and shows just how poorly scripts today really be. I think more a case of too many stars in a regressing world. That said, it's worth taking the time to look and listen.

I'm really looking forward to making time for the following movie. Whilst at times Nicholas Cage does not always hit the mark for me, he can pull off some really great plays and this looks like one of them: (have not seen it but the trailer and sneak peek re file looks not too shabby. I love his look in this movie and how it is contrasted throughout. I can very much relate at the core. I like the concepts of the city Vs the woods and the dynamics being played in that.

" 'We don't get a lot of things to really care about' ... Who has my Pig?"


This too is currently available. Recommend 1080p version at least if you can find it. Oh my - I'm shaking in my boots!



I also have the Marksman to watch now thanks to you. TY! : D

Please do keep sharing those recommendations. A+++++

[Ponder]

Had a cable arrive from CHINA ... it was a long wait but well worth it. The cable allows me to control the RGB Power Extension cables all through one program.
These are the cables I am talking about:
https://www.techpowerup.com/review/l...-24-pin-8-pin/

No big deal - but fun to play with from a PC Enthusiast Hobby perspective. I made a little video ... my computer will be my Xmas tree over the next few weeks. lol

Sorry about the couging in the background ... CV ... what can ya do. hehe : P


Pretty quiet in the forum Sal - Not a soul posting other than you and me. I think we finally might have some peace.

[salvator here]

OK with me, but I do hope some people might come back when the dreaded holidays draw closer.

Oh, and I'm either gonna take my thread back and 'dust myself off' or I'll "try again" with a new thread as I'm gonig to need thread. I was going to post it over at NMP, but I'm all over the place lately and here I feel like I can let it all hang out (so to speak - not a pretty picture ...;o))) .

Hopefull we'll hear from some others, but I'm totally fine with it just being us here.

Hope all is well and your week is off to a good start

[Ponder]

Hi Sal - you got me pondering with your other thread. I hear ya man - whatever works I say. Mix things up a bit.

Like I said before I don't have any answers but happy to listen. Sorry if my take misses the mark or seems I am not reading things proper.

When in doubt, just blame it on being blind:


Time stamped another one
https://youtu.be/IBuaBOktNio?t=2512

and this one:
https://youtu.be/IBuaBOktNio?t=3132

One more:
https://youtu.be/IBuaBOktNio?t=3412

[Ponder]

Deleted my response in perception thread due to the ripple effect which makes sense to me. I was worried I might of created unsettling waves and I don't want to do that. There is nothing 'wrong' about anyone's perception. I struggled with that article for many reasons but feel the ripple effect is a hard one to navigate. So I leave you to express without mudding the waters. Hope this finds you feeling somewhat better today.

[salvator here]

Totally understand. I'll try to reply in the AM in your thread. Its 6:30 and I feel numb. Would you believe I didn't save your reply. Sometimes, I save replies when I need to read it later to understand it better. I'm OK that you deleted it and understand. I did read it 2 times myself and I'm glad I did because you helped me with 2 parts - those are actually the only 2 parts that stood out that I was able to latch on to in my incoherent state of mind. As I say, just trying to remember.

1. Sometimes along the lines ... as real as "I". So this is how I took/take that as my mind was/is processing that. What we are told/taught is real and was is (really) real to us is whatever we are feeling. Yeah, I make little sense. Just in case you were wondering (and I'd be you were and partly why you deleted it) , yes, religion ... ugh. Typing and deleted here myself but am going to just hit reply and let go. No need to reply and I will now think about the 2nd thing after a ginger tea. Might help somewhat..

[salvator here]

2. Something along the lines ... don't fight it and I'll take that to mean don't fight those feelings and my perception even if blurred as you said that was expected as we age (could be wrong). This time of the year around the holidays, I don't know. I'll think about this tonight and either create new thread or better address it. May have to share details. I don't know.

to be honest nothing feels real and I guess I mean tangible right now, I'm grasping on to nothing solid I"ll admit that. As I sit her getting closer to 7 I'll need to accept it somewhat in order to sleep. I know I'm not alone and I sometime say to myself ... "is this really happening?" "This can't be real" "This is some strange nightmare", but logically I know this is reality and its hazy and blurry and against what I *thought* I understood.

OK, have a nice day and please don't feel you need to reply, I'm just going to hang in there and just won't fight it, so see, that helped or I wouldn't have said that more than once.

Take care my dear friend.

[Ponder]

Just letting you know I have read and hope it was OK to have left a tiny acknowledgement in the other thread which was just wishing you well and letting you know I'll always be around.

I know you might not reply and take your time - but I will when I have time (appointments today) I would like to talk a little about the derailment process that often knocks us all down but not meaning to assume or minimize anyone else's experience.

I will be back - if only for you to just read. Thanks heaps for your response. I'm super sensitive to hurting others with my own responses. That said, I find it's better to discuss rather than not. We have to be vulnerable in order to grow. I know that sounds whatever ... let's just say triggering for those with thick skin. Be a Man! Be a Solider!!! I am here to say FUCK THAT SHIT ... I like my pink dresses and like to get sensitive from time to time. It's almost a requirement in my world if I don't want to go insane and kill everyone.

I really do hope we can talk soon and or your able to ride this out .. I too detest this time of year and it's only set to get worse. I will be here. Keep reading at least if your not able to post and or I'll be OK either way.

[Ponder]

Heads up ... don't know the time your end (7:14pm here) but settling down with some grounding tunes in the background, a photo or two to share and thinking on with some mindful thoughts towards whatever comes. It'll take me time to waffle on but first going to read you proper now I have time. Back in an hour or so when I hit enter. Be well my friend.

[Ponder]

Although I deleted my reply, I am glad you got to see it. I too save stuff and stash it someone in a folder for later. I only meant to share my own confusion. Is OK - I'm in good space to share the gist of it without a tainted background to which I felt when reading said article. There is within me a spiritual aspect Sal, but trying to dissect it with the mind often results in disconnection. So it is that philosophical and science debates fall very short for me. Long story short, I rate those approaches as problematic as relgion. The language used with wrong and right set a tone that lost the plot which was about the obscure nature of humanity. There are many concepts that abound to this notion that we are all one but it's not so black and white. It's so confusing because on one hand we are taught about the importance of individuality, whilst on the other there are great influential forces always looking to put people into groups (categories) by this notion of all being one and the same. Yet these groups whilst looking to belong get lost is a sea of identity not knowing who they are or what they really be.

I could see how the author was in fact touching on some of this in his or her own way. The split/multiple personality disorders is not something relegated to only those labeled like so. In today's world many of us struggle with not knowing if we are defined by country, state, education, policy all the way down to the type of clothes, car and things we own. More so what we don't own and not today where we shop, visit, and of course medical compliance / history. People self diagnose according to the social tier, prescribed label. We adopt identities like dressing for vouge. We create identities according to whatever the latest addiction is. These dynamics be akin to the drug Soma in a Brave New World were most of us living today are already hooked into a dependency traps whether we like it or not. The needs and desires that well within us are akin to drugs where the chemical reactions that take place within need not the consumption of pills. In this light - whilst we are all thinking in terms of bad foods and pharmaceuticals - we have already been hoodwinked! This is a different perspective which I have not really expressed or explained. At least not like so.

Those of us that have lived long enough to see the game are hooked not so much by designer foods and drugs, but by something already deeply ingrained. All that conditioning since birth re the conflicts of individuality and hive like mentality - Creativity is destroyed the moment children enter into our education system. Need I say anymore. If I do - its would be how they do it with bright colored rainbows right under our noses. Our society is based on deception. That article hits on a few of these things but lost the plot when it proposed those seeking to give up the I apart from the whole were in fact wrong. Adding to that stating it was wrong because some philosophical and science peer reviews ... bla bla bla and sorry but more bla bla bla - more right and wrong ... dissecting this and that and on and on.

In my view disconnecting from said mind sets is the best thing we can do. None of us are going to discover who we are looking for it in some hive mind that is directed by said ideals put forth but whatever hierarchal establishment. Human Society has absolutely nothing to boast about when you know just how much suffering there is for those to go about telling others how it is. Finding the space is something that really stood out in my own reply. This was put aside and marginalized in that article with the comments as they were towards meditators and mystics. Much the same way the media calls anyone that is opposed to the current status as conspiracy theorists. Only to end by saying because of science it is wrong to believe X,Y and Z. Just on those points alone, it mattered little what pieces made sense. The tone and agenda of the article undermined the title and pretty must lost credit the more I read it.

Our thoughts and experiences as proposed by the author is all we will ever be and to think the I can be anything different is wrong to suggest ... well - that's toxic stuff. Its the stuff that keeps people in prison. A great article for those ruling the roost and don't want things to change. I am saying it's OK to be confused, hear different voices and not know who the fuck we are when having lived in said system. Those of us that don't fit, do not because we know it's not a natural state of being. This brings us to the topic of what it really means to be human which has fuck all to do with being in an inescapable hive. Yet the concepts that are making ground in the way we are being held are very much separate to any concepts used to keep people bound. How to break free? Reconnect within. I guarantee you that will not happen by joining some group.
__________________________________________________ _________

Here - you got me outside for the first time in months. I went to one of my favorite spots - Chilling with the Kangaroos in the local cemetery:



Here is a close up:


LOOK & LISTEN comes to mind here. I've been in a huge rut the last months. What better place to say fuck it all and head off to the cemetery to let it all decompose - and focus on what the fuck ever. No amount of podcasts I listen too will give me what I am looking for. It really is a case of no longer looking. Yet that insight can be had from having looked and listened. That being the essence of why no article based on some pretext of science and philosophy will also never provide an answer to that which we have been conditioned. Unlearn used to be a big theme in the 70s - and whilst still prevalent to some degree - the level of dependency and tech we are at, no longer requires designer foods and drugs to keep us bound. Problem, Reaction and Solution are constantly controlled and manipulated whilst one subscribes to anything in society. Today's technology has us like seeing bots created before our eyes. I take a break and write about that ... another level of depression watching one's world altered on such a level. Is it any wonder people get so negative about the future. How can we offer hope in the face of all that? It's episodic at best.

I might have one last bout of grounding left in me. The ability to clean my body once more and write about how to salvage what it left via focused disconnection that is OK with completely letting go. It has nothing to do with running to the hills, but yea - as much as that author seem to marginalize meditators and mystics, for me that answer does fall somewhere in that. I'd just call it something else in order to take the bad taste out of such things that have been flogged to death and long lost their appeal. The images of such things make me sick and are just as confusing as proponents of philosophy, science and relgion.

It is so hard to talk about the reality of the so called whole - because once you understand how the energy works, it can be frightening and despairing at the same time. It can be all consuming where one gets lost in a hole and takes so long to get out. I'm pretty sure that is what happens to us with our episodes.

Time for a Cuppa. Chin up - once we see the BS and understand why so many of us resist - we can start focusing on those less painful bouts with the focus to welcome the simple things back, in what is left of our life. Huge irony ... Huge irony whilst I work towards completing one section of my creative hobby - but not going to get all guilty about that. I know I could just as easily throw it all away but to what end? Once that project is completed (it never ends) I will be moving my focus back into my health and well being. If I don't I will surely be dead in a year or two. I feel it in my bones. That part of me is oh so easy to just say fuck it, but then there is another part that wants to stick around.