Calling old timers

[salvator here]

Good Tuesday Morning all. First official day of Fall!

You're welcome, Dahila, anytime

My hair is also long, Mike, so is my grey beard an mustache. To tell you the truth, the lady the used to cut my hair retired in 2017. She was awesome. I didn't even have to say anything...she would just say hello and sit down and 'go to it'. She also did my mustache and eyebrows. She never asked a million personal questions or judged me when I was looking distressed or discombobulated. She really 'got' me. I think I'd been with her for years and years. Since she left I've gone to others and they make me feel uncomfortable. "Where do you work", "Are you married", personal questions that are none of their business. I'm looking pretty scraggly these days and need to take a chance again with someone new. Turning into a phobia now, I dread it.

Welcome back, Kirk, always good to see you Like your daughter, I never wanted kids either, I don't think I would've been a very good parent. I was never stable enough on my two feet, let alone raise a child in this world.

Its a little after 10AM and I'm sitting here drinking some blueberry tea. MY therapist will call me today and I've no idea what to say really. In some ways I've made (some) progress, other ways I feel as though I've stepped backward. 1 step forward and 2 steps back it seems with me. Maybe I shouldn't see it that way - i know...i know! I'm trying to let go of all the meaningless crap that is wasting my energy/space in my head. I go around very preoccupied with things that I shouldn't. I carry a LOT of baggage. We'll see, what it comes down to, is, do I tell her everything, or just touch on things and brush over the real issues. Today I don't feel in the mood to spill my guts, so I think I'll just keep it light.

Have a good one everyone

EDIT:

I wrote:

"We'll see, what it comes down to, is, do I tell her everything, or just touch on things and brush over the real issues. Today I don't feel in the mood to spill my guts, so I think I'll just keep it light."

I did in fact spill my guts.. sigh Just sort of happened as the conversation progressed. She is concerned that I'm ruminating over the past too much and I'd have to agree. Honestly nostalgia is BAD for me. Looking back only brings me pain, but I can't seem to stop :-( Trouble is, I suppose I want it back, what I lost. Perhaps I regret the most drinking away almost 10 years of my life with little memory and that time is lost. As I sit here tonight trying to wind down, I feel a bit of sadness coming over me that I'm trying to shake off. I did get outside today but it was a struggle tbh. Very preoccupied to say the very least. Oh well.. almost bed time and tomorrow is another day. When all else fails, pull the covers up over my head Lol!