I remember being diagnosed with depression and anxiety when I was 14 years old but now that I'm older I realize I've had some of these symptoms my whole life. I've had my fair share of tragedy, my mom was robbed with her life threatened, my dad was an alcholic my entire life, I watched him die, watched my grandfather lose himself because of Alzheimers, etc. Basically i've watched death and death tale and I guess maybe thats one of the reasons I always expect the worst. I'm 21 now and completely at a loss. Every waking moment I experience stress. It feels like any positive emotions I've had have been taken away from me. It's either stress, anxiety, anger/irritablity, or numbness. Even my negative emotions are fading away. I feel like I'm never here, like my head isn't clear. I try to think positive things but I'm so terrified my happiness will never come back. I try to stay strong for my loved ones but even now my mom is in heart failure and my friends are going through their own battles. Even being with my boyfriend only brings me stress and anxiety. I need to know how to get through this. For me and for them. I'm scared I've already lost.