Believe me, I know exactly how you're feeling. I was in a very similar position when I first began college in 2012. I started college as a pre-law major, and I was adamant about only going to school to get my work done, graduate, and head to law school. I wasn't there to enjoy myself, I wasn't there to make friends, and believe me when I say that was a very poor decision on my part. About halfway through my first quarter of college I felt so empty. I felt like what I was doing was meaningless. I constantly asked myself why I wanted to be a lawyer. The only conclusion I could come to was because of the money. It wasn't because I was passionate about law. I wouldn't be making an actual contribution the way I wanted to. This made me depressed. Add that along with the fact that I essentially had no friends, and my then-girlfriend was constantly telling me things I didn't want to hear and I spiraled into a deep existential depression. I truly believed I had no purpose in life and that life was meaningless. I was alone, my life had no structure, and eventually I'm going to do die anyway so what is the point of life? I struggled to find any intrinsic meaning in life. Needless to say things became much worse in the spring of 2013 and that's when my battle with anxiety and OCD began. I struggled so much trying to cope with it. I was disabled. I was anxiety ridden and depressed, and as a result I missed a year and a half of school simply because I could not leave me house. But all of these struggles helped me find my passion in life. Medicine. I decided that what I really wanted to do was become a doctor, and that changed everything. It gave me a sense of purpose and meaning. I'm good at science, and I love it. Here I am today as a medical school and I love every second of my education. Do I still sometimes question whether life is meaningless? Absolutely. Honestly sometimes I question whether I'll make as a doctor because sometimes I still feel held back by my anxiety. I don't think I'll every get over the existential anxiety I have, but all of this is to say that you create your purpose in life. You can do it. We all have doubts. That's completely normal, but as long as you have that desire to find your purpose - you will find it.