Today I was feeling better, although I still had some finger weakness, and I thought I was finally over it. I was happy and proud of myself. In the evening though, my hands started feeling really weak and uncoordinated, my fingers were "locking" and "popping" instead of moving smoothly, and I started to worry very much again. I had an online conversation with my best friend, and I decided to tell him about my fears. He replied that I'm just fine, but if I really was ill he would take me on a long trip with the trans-Siberian (it's my dream to do that trip) and then I could commit suicide to die easier, and probably he wouldn't stand the sorrow and would kill himself too. He had good intentions but he upset me so much that I cried a lot and now there's no way I can sleep.