Feeling a lot less of a person around people but being the world when i am alone

[Stormizee]

I'm glad you can relate, means u totally get it. I like what you said about being comfortable around other prior to feeling comfortable with ur inner voice. A lot of people with anxiety don't understand that. Day when i'm feeling at peace with myself are days when i'm most social. You sound just like me i have my family really, they are my biggest supporters and my counselor i was with her all last year, she is amazing, i do talk to her from time to time now but its really because she thinks i'm healthy enough now to not have to see her every Tuesday and Thursday haha. I do miss her
Socializing can be really healthy for the soul but it damages the mind at times and really is a trigger of my anxiety. I'm doing better now.

[Stormizee]

I hear you . And i totally get what you're saying. I'm sorry to hear about your struggle with dialysis. You really will get thru it but alcohol doesn't make it better i've realised. All it's ever really done is numb me then bring me pain. I mean like real physical anguish, not emotional distress. My body reacts to the hard stuff and sadly that's what numbs me. I drink vodka and 2 hours later i'm on the bathroom floor puking my brains out. Man it is not a pretty site. And so i've decided to stop , try a glass of wine every 2weeks and just focus on my health and dance career. But do u hear what i'm saying, i inflicted pain on myself, numbed myself, hurt myself and it brought be back to loving myself. How fucked up is that? I'm telling u this because my mind misleads me too, and it saves me too, just like a guardian angel. As for ur cursh, i'd say anxiety gets in the way of opportunities to not be alone. And the worst part is sometimes we never get tired of being alone but it just feels empty honestly. I've been alone for a year and some months, have a crush on these two amazing people but they'll probably never really know how much i like either of them. Weird i know... Not that i'd ever date both of them. lol I think u should listen to ur heart for a just a second n say something to ur crush

[Stormizee]

I felt the same way too about my sisters. Only started talking about my anxiety to them quite recently. I really did feel like i couldnt talk about this stuff with well almost everyone except 2 of my friends bcoz they were both suffering from anxiety and depression. It was a safe place. Still is with one of them.
I am quite empathic yes. I can't say it's the anxiety. I can just say it's your mind and body being fully aware of the people around it. Picking up on their energies n stuff. Really can't xplain it. Can u?
That's not true though about the feminists. Feminists share a common vision, aim and agenda but do not live and feel a uniform life. Heck dressing up sometimes is a feminist armour. I say embrace it Just own it and don't feel any less of a feminist when u do.
No problem, u can always message all of that good stuff when u have the time and i'll defntly read , I'd really like to hear ur story. Mine is pretty long too . I'd have to meassage it to u Emma. Nice to meet u too
I really wish i could give u a better response to ur message but i'm really caught up these days and night time, when i'm all sleepyy and drousy is really when i get to look at my laptop. I'll be travelling for the next week to perform . And so i'll be a bit silent . Hope to hear from u when i get back home.
Take care and stay positive no matter what.

[TreeStar]

I felt the same way too about my sisters. Only started talking about my anxiety to them quite recently. I really did feel like i couldnt talk about this stuff with well almost everyone except 2 of my friends bcoz they were both suffering from anxiety and depression. It was a safe place. Still is with one of them.
I am quite empathic yes. I can't say it's the anxiety. I can just say it's your mind and body being fully aware of the people around it. Picking up on their energies n stuff. Really can't xplain it. Can u?
That's not true though about the feminists. Feminists share a common vision, aim and agenda but do not live and feel a uniform life. Heck dressing up sometimes is a feminist armour. I say embrace it Just own it and don't feel any less of a feminist when u do.
No problem, u can always message all of that good stuff when u have the time and i'll defntly read , I'd really like to hear ur story. Mine is pretty long too . I'd have to meassage it to u Emma. Nice to meet u too
I really wish i could give u a better response to ur message but i'm really caught up these days and night time, when i'm all sleepyy and drousy is really when i get to look at my laptop. I'll be travelling for the next week to perform . And so i'll be a bit silent . Hope to hear from u when i get back home.
Take care and stay positive no matter what.

Sorry for not replying sooner. Not having the best time I started my therapy course last week, and it's sort of involved facing a lot of demons I didn't want to face, sort of left me feeling really fragile.

When I was talking to my sisters, I think it helped them understand why I have been acting strangely. I'm surprised with people I work with too, the ones I was scared of telling have been ok with it. One even gave me a hug!
What puts me off talking to people is a lot say 'Oh, I feel anxious sometimes. Everyone does!' and I'm sitting there is silence wanting to scream at them 'But it's not just 'sometimes!' It's all the time!' They were probably the wrong people to tell though.

With the empatheticness, I don't think it's necessarily the anxiety either. Just the way you describe being in crowds, sort of how I feel. Being more empathetic makes it harder I think, to be around people. And coupled with anxiety issues, well, it's not the best of mixes.

When I write it up, I will my story to you. I've been thinking about it a lot and where to start really. There is a sort of a time jump in it though.

Hope your performances went great!

[verDominai]

Many people don’t understand how much our inner voice contributes to our anxiety. I have learned the more I embrace my inner voice the more comfortable I feel around others.

This. We often torment ourselves more than we are tormented by outside sources.

Once you take charge of that voice and fight back, a lot can get much easier to handle.

[Ponder]

I like where Papiyon was going with his reply. I can't but help feel how this resonates with my own efforts in coming out from under my rock.

It's also encouraging to see others with like minded views.

If I could add anything to the above, it would be more about the way we approach our inner dialogue? Again Papiyon hits the nail on the head for me with with term "Embrace."

My suggestion is more like a warning ... as I found trying to take control through using mindets with words like "fight" ... not only fails, but makes the process much more conflicting. The way we approach our thoughts is crucial when it comes to "control" It's a complex affair as I know well that taking anger and turning it into something positive involved what may be termed as a fight, however I know now that it was only through acceptance, and being kind to myself that I was able to muster the will and strength. I can now grit my teeth and break the binds that would normally keep me down, but my best efforts to do so only come from my ability to embrace - not fight. Instead of control, I give in.

Learning to use words that foster and nurture the voice within, is the key to my success. I make a conscious effort not to use words that seek control or attempt to fight. Meditation is excellent for that! I used to be someone that could be found frothing at the mouth in public places as my walls often closed in. I was quite volatile and despised the human race. Now I do my best to contribute through helping others who've shared similar experiences.

I mean not to go on - other than to suggest and share what I have found has helped me. learning to "embrace" our inner dialogue and be mindful of using negative and controlling words is what has eased my pain. I still struggle with various predispositions and delayed cognitive responses ... but the peace of mind I receive through embracing has helped me to accept others as well as feel more accepted.

Edit - this need not involve continually being in the presence of others - or even fitting in ... this goes way beyond such generalized methods of graduated exposure and or participation ... yet I do practice some of those things ... it's all about balance is all and learning to find and sit with what makes we (the individual) feels comfortable with. Does that make sense?

[TreeStar]

I like where Papiyon was going with his reply. I can't but help feel how this resonates with my own efforts in coming out from under my rock.

It's also encouraging to see others with like minded views.

If I could add anything to the above, it would be more about the way we approach our inner dialogue? Again Papiyon hits the nail on the head for me with with term "Embrace."

My suggestion is more like a warning ... as I found trying to take control through using mindets with words like "fight" ... not only fails, but makes the process much more conflicting. The way we approach our thoughts is crucial when it comes to "control" It's a complex affair as I know well that taking anger and turning it into something positive involved what may be termed as a fight, however I know now that it was only through acceptance, and being kind to myself that I was able to muster the will and strength. I can now grit my teeth and break the binds that would normally keep me down, but my best efforts to do so only come from my ability to embrace - not fight. Instead of control, I give in.

Learning to use words that foster and nurture the voice within, is the key to my success. I make a conscious effort not to use words that seek control or attempt to fight. Meditation is excellent for that! I used to be someone that could be found frothing at the mouth in public places as my walls often closed in. I was quite volatile and despised the human race. Now I do my best to contribute through helping others who've shared similar experiences.

I mean not to go on - other than to suggest and share what I have found has helped me. learning to "embrace" our inner dialogue and be mindful of using negative and controlling words is what has eased my pain. I still struggle with various predispositions and delayed cognitive responses ... but the peace of mind I receive through embracing has helped me to accept others as well as feel more accepted.

Edit - this need not involve continually being in the presence of others - or even fitting in ... this goes way beyond such generalized methods of graduated exposure and or participation ... yet I do practice some of those things ... it's all about balance is all and learning to find and sit with what makes we (the individual) feels comfortable with. Does that make sense?

You know, in my ACT course we were told not to fight our feelings and thoughts, just accept and acknowledge that they are there and try to carry on with things. (This is easier said than done for me right now, but hopefully it will get better with time).

[KittenTrans]

I need to look more into this ACT malarkey it sounds interesting