Disassociation and anxiety problem.

[spirman]

Lately i have had a really bad problem with anxiety and disassociation. Its been causing me a lot of trouble when going to through my everyday life so i felt i had to say something.
I have slowly began to disassociate from things that really matter in my life. Its like having no feeling toward something you really care about. It starts off with me being scared that i might feel nothing toward something i like, i dissociate and feel nothing towards that thing, then extreme anxiety comes after as i feel i will never feel anything for it again(So when i come back to it i remember that i dissociated from it and it happens all over again). Like say you like a video on youtube, you know that it has the emotion happy associated with it but you associate it with the feeling of nothing, and have major anxiety follow. Since this is anxiety backed it reoccurs and soon i feel i will feel nothing for anything and have extreme amounts of anxiety. This seems to have happened to anything i can feel towards, like my personality, what i like, everything i can think of.
I don't fully understand why i do this, as dissociation is supposed to be a mechanism to help you. All i know is that its interfering with my life and i really need it to stop.
If there is some sort of strategy to re associating with everything please tell me. I have already experienced a good 3 panic attacks in the last few days from it. For all i know it could just be me fearing that i wont feel anything towards things i care about.

[Ragels]

I believe what you're experiencing is fairly normal. Disassociation does help you, in that in times of extreme stress being sort of outside of all of that can help you cope.

What you're describing also sounds a lot like depression. Lack of interest in things you once enjoyed, muted emotions, etc.

As for dealing with disassociation I would highly recommend trying some grounding techniques and practicing mindfulness. If you feel as if you're disassociating take a few minutes to stop what you're doing and find a comfortable place. If you have incense or candles, use those. Maybe have a mint or candy. Do some deep breathing and try and be aware of both your body and your surroundings. If you have a blanket or pillow you're fond of get that and just hug it or rub your hands on it. The goal is to engage all of your senses to be aware of where you are and your surroundings to counteract the effects of disassociation. I hope this helps and there's a lot of information you can find on the internet regarding mindfulness and grounding techniques.

[spirman]

Well as i have found in the previous days, through research online. It's that i am having intrusive thoughts and these thoughts continue to come back even after using coping skills.

An example of one that continues to come back is this. I will look at or think of something and remove all feeling from it (similar to how if you repeat a word over and over again it begins to sound funny as it doesnt have the same meaning) especially things that matter in my life or that i have strong emotional attachment to. These i cant really just dissociate from because they are the things i go to when i dissociate. You can see how this causes a somewhat never ending loop.

Things have been looking very bleak lately as every coping skill i have attempted to use has been underminded. With intrusive thoughts you are suppo9sed to let them go and accept that they are there. But i cant when it is attacking the way i perceive the environment, my feelings toward things i love or like doing, my personality, and anything else i can consciously perceive.

This has continued to harass me for going on a week and a half when this thought first popped into my head. My emotions have fluctuated from being positive about this to thinking that i will never get over this. I honestly don't know what to do anymore as it has affected my life so much that i cant focus on schoolwork, play games i enjoy, or even watch videos on YouTube. I pretty much sit around the house trying to fix this problem.

Also thanks for posting and sorry i didn't see your post sooner.

[Ragels]

Hey, I just want to say that it gets better. It really does. Your post sounds so similar to something I recently went through after I started having panic attacks. All I could focus on was the panic attack, thinking one is coming, thinking they'll never end. I was so absorbed in trying to find some answer to this problem and it really overshadowed everything else. This went on for weeks, I couldn't play games or watch youtube (probably my two relax time go tos as well) and it really started taking it's toll.

Then one day I started getting better. For me the first real step was accepting that it's ok to not be ok in the moment. That there will be times when you fill like you can't take it anymore, and that those times will pass just like they always have, even if it was briefly. Second big step was really appreciating and being in the moment when I felt alright. Really take it in when it's there. Eventually the good times will be more often and the bad times less often if you keep working at it.

For now you have to focus on getting through the beginning, which is always the worst of it.

Sorry as well for the late reply, hope I've helped at least a little bit.

[KeepYourCalm]

I seems to me like your dissasociative muscles are really strong. It's like you've been disassociating all this time to protect yourself.

In a way it makes perfect sense becasue even positive attachments and emotions expose you in a very real and vulnerable way: there's always the risk of losing them. So one way of protecting yourself against that is to dissociate or numb your feelings. Your mind does this automatically.

However, rely too much on this coping mechanism and it can become a double-edged sword. "What you practice, you get better at." You've practiced disassociation so much you've become really, really good at it. And now it's your hammer and everything starts to look like a nail.

I agree with Ragels 100% that you need to first of all accept that it's okay to not be okay. Come from a place of understanding, be gentle with yourself. Treat yourself like you would your best friend.

Then another piece of advice I might add is to try and counter-balance your disassociative muscles. You need to work on your associative muscles. You need to develop your ability to immerse yourself in momentary feelings and be present.

One way I do that is that in the evenings I try to remember 5 things from the day that I can feel genuinely happy about and grateful for. Then I focus on them real hard - and this is key - I do my best to remember the events that made me feel happy and grateful. I try to remember all the sensations, the sounds, the images, the situation, everything. And the more I remember, the more real the emotion becomes until it saturates me to the core and then I just hold it there and let it sink in.

This small exercise only takes about 2-3 minutes but it really helps with strengthening your ability to feel deep feelings and immerse yourself in the moment.

And as Ragels said, it's going to get better! It really is.

[spirman]

Recently things have been slowly getting better, as i have learned to try and accept the thoughts and how they wont hurt me. However the panic is still there and attaches itself to the things i thought i was dissociating from, or wasn't? It's really foggy and hard to understand whats going on when your under immense panic and anxiety. I have also noticed that when i have the attacks my entire view on the world changes, causing me to feel like i will never get though this.

Most of the thoughts, like the one about dissociating i have come to accept and realize that nothings wrong, that the feelings are still there. But the main thoughts that i am still continuing to work on are the doubt ones. Thoughts like "You will relapse guaranteed, as it has happened before." and "You will counter every coping skill and dissociate from them.".

I continue to go in an up and down cycle, feeling really good, then feeling really bad, but at the very least i have stopped having major panic attacks at the moment. The previous comment i wrote was during a time when i was having panic attacks within minutes of each other, and could see nothing more than what was happening at the time. The dissociation thing i believe was mainly me having a panic attack and placing the feelings of the attack on the

I appreciate you guys taking the time to write your replies, they really mean a lot. Again i have faith that i am slowly getting over it but there are still some things i am working on. I have been aware that i had OCD for a few years now, but only recently has it begun to invade things i feel and think. Also i hear going to a therapist who specializes in Behavioral Therapy can help you get over OCD? Is this true? Anyways thanks again.