Anxiety when I run?

[Ponder]

Hi Clare,
I've been running off and on most of my life. I had a very long break due to deep depression over the last several years, but thankfully I'm back running 10km's here and there. I had to stop taking pills for my Anxiety. I was too sensitive to most of the side effects. I had to find another alternative. I started walking and eventually ended up in a pair of running shoes once more.

My Experience with Anxiety and Running / Gym / Exercise:

1. - Self Conscious on a very heightened level.
This has been a two way streak for me. I either quit all together or I tend to run myself into the ground. Finding the middle ground has taken me years - but I tell it as it relates to anxiety at any rate. WHO"S WATCHING???? WHY AM I WORRIED???? I AM NOT WORTHY???? WHO AM I KIDDING???? WHY AM I FREAKING OUT???? ... and many other thoughts and negative self talk kicking in with that sensation of total dread building with no end.

This kind of Anxiety relates more to my conditioning based on shame and guilt for not fitting in. Especially when I was younger and more brainwashed than I am now. It's amazing how much we angst over such shallow narrow minded thinking. IMO it's been Media-rized and advertised our entire lives and plays largely into such anxiety.

2. - Butterflies. I used to get these all the times and probably does not play into it for most people. It did for me. Before every race at school I used to be a tight ball of muscle as I woke that morning as if ready to bolt from the running blocks as soon as my feet touched my bedroom floor. Winning was my copping mechanism for my lack of worth. Butterflies are normal, but not to the extent I had them.

Srry to go on - I think my point is, until I worked out where my anxiety was coming from, the best thing I found to do with my anxiety was simply ride with it. I still have a very high level of sensitivity. Running outside is a challenge despite being very good at tuning in to my body. I'm so good at tuning in, that once my respiratory lvl is able, I then run the risk of killing myself. My self conscious side can drive me to play such a tune by hiding inside myself (180 - 190 +bpm for extending time) whilst at the same time knowing I am exposed to the views of others whilst running outside. Therefore I avoid running during daylight hours ... unless I am in a good head space for it.

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Again - I go on too much. Just wanted to say that although Exercise presents a challenge regarding anxiety - that although it can heighten it for me, I have also found it to be one of the most supportive methods to handling my anxiety. Form a physical perspective, when I feel my heart racing in a social situation when I am not running, I am much more able to control my breathing and articulate myself. So much so that others think I am a cool cucumber despite my anxiety racing within myself. This aspect to improving myself and anxiety is probably the most beneficial thing I get from exercising.

It does get better - my heart still race as I get out of my car and enter the gym. I liken the whole process to the key pint of being Consistent with any exercise program. I remind myself that my body and brain will adapt and become more efficient at handling the negative impacts of not doing anything. That in order to grow stronger and or get better, I need to go through the motions and experience some level of discomfort. Only then can I expect some kind of benefit ...

I will get nothing if I instead blame the discomfort on the activity itself, knowing full well it's more about myself.

The type of anxiety I focus on most now, is the one that my body is just saying - "Oh Boy - It's time to adapt!" Typically when I wake up early in the morning -
Things start to fall into place when I am the one that is in control of my body.

Exercise is my medicine - As a full on sufferer of Anxiety and even though exercise challenges me on such a lvl, I have found Exercise - especially running - to be the greatest ally to anxiety than anything else. If I go about it right (little bit by little bit) - running is an excellent form of meditation no matter my level of anxiety.

Now I find listening to my body more rewarding, than to the tune that plays in my head. The more I tune in to my body, the less I hear in my head.

Little bit by little bit - build it up slowly - your will adapt ... but not if you quit and or give in. It's all in the approach.

Wishing you well & Welcome to the forum.