So sort it out.
For yourself. No one else can help you with this.
The meaning of life is the meaning you give to it. There is no inherent, mystical, hidden, Trojan horse. Life is neutral. Thereby allowing each creature to decide his fate and destiny, - he creates meaning on the fly, as he lives it..
You wont find your own answers in everyone else's interpretation. They are just as mixed up as you.
Everyone, no exceptions.
You could just as well see the other side of the coin. "ill die eventually, so ill make the most of my life with the time I've got.". As you can see, that constructive viewpoint is just as valid as your destructive one. So the issue is you, and your beliefs. Not death itself.
For anyone reading this, death is neutral, until meaning is given to it by the individual in a personal way. You become intimate with it, and understand its role in life.
Should the people of the earth suddenly beat death and find a potion that they could live forever, the world would cease to exist within one hour.
Death then is healthy, it keeps life - living, and has a purpose.
There are 2 beliefs one can have :
When I die, I take my personality with me, and my learning, so I continue to grow, create, and exist
Or what scares the OP
When I die, my consciousness is obliterated and I cease to exist.
Now, which belief would you rather hold?
Choose, and go on with your lives.