Death/time anxiety and depression ruling my life 24/7

[littlebirdee]

littlebirdee,

How are you feeling about the death of your friend now? Still calm or have things changed?

My hope is always that death is a peaceful sleep, the end of all problems. Or, that if there is an after life or next life that me trying hard to be a good person will mean life might even be a little easier in the next round.

Today is a hard day, the service for my friend is across the country and my boyfriend and I couldn't possibly afford to fly out on short notice which breaks my heart. We've sent donations to the family which is about all we can do. I don't feel as 'numb' but I'm not panicking so much as just plain old sad, "normal" grief. My boyfriend texted me "he was going to be the best man at our wedding" and that's when I kind of lost it.

My hope is that as more of our friends go "there" the thought of us joining them doesn't sound too bad. Either it is as you say, the end of all problems, or some kind of afterlife, and I have hopefully been living as well as I can in case of that scenario. I don't know. it is kind of hard to wrap my mind around all my goals and accomplishments just being wiped away. It's like pouring hundreds of hours into an art project just to have someone break it and destroy it, but I guess it's hard to compare because there wouldn't be a "me" to care about it in the case of death.

Gotta love being plagued by unanswerable questions. There's that saying that's like "if everyone threw their problems in a pile, everyone would rush to pick theirs up again", but I don't know about that. I feel like would trade my fear of death for everyone else's anxiety problems in a heartbeat, lol. At least those are things that can be solved, like marriage, relationships, new jobs, etc. Death doesn't get beaten by anyone. Maybe that's the source of my anxiety, there's simply no good answer or way out. I just have to live with the uneasy feeling as best as I can.

[Im-Suffering]

You create your future. Death is often a reprise. That sentence will make sense and seem familiar once you are dead to this life.

When you fall asleep you transition over to the dreamer. The dream world then becomes your prime reality. And to the dreamer, your physical waking life is his dream. It could be said you are as dead now as youll ever be. To you the dreamscape is the dead self and to the dreaming self, you are dead. In either case you will always come alive in some reality. Death is an illusion. There is no death, more accurately a momentary pause while you look at a map of the new surroundings. Much like you would do on a vacation.

If you live in new york and travel to mexico you would need this map, and while in mexico your ny self would be dead. Wherever your consciousness focus's is where you come alive. You literally light up the map in that one spot.

In easy to understand terms birth is much more of an immediate shock than death. Birth is the death of the dreamer as it enters 3D reality. You are said to come alive at birth, but there is a death also. There is always a spiritual equivalent to any physical event.

And about the uneasy feelings. Learn to face and solve your problems and much of the unwanted feelings would subside. They are only there because you are turning your back on them. Your feelings are your barometer then, to judge how you are doing in physical reality.

Depression arises from a consistant brooding helpless state cultivated over time about some seemingly unsolvable mental problem (s).

You are meant to learn your lessons. Death as you term it will offer no relief for turning ones back in life. In fact you will have to account for abilities not used.

[Mr Jingles]

That's very sad, especially about being the best man. I would feel a lot of grief were I you.

it is kind of hard to wrap my mind around all my goals and accomplishments just being wiped away. It's like pouring hundreds of hours into an art project just to have someone break it and destroy it,

Yes. So if the above is true, and I believe it is from one perspective, how do we win? Consider the common spiritual teaching of enjoying each step of the project. That way when it's all wiped away, you still win. You won every step of the way.

Meaning of the mind comes from thinking what you've accomplished is meaningful. But meaning of the moment just comes from whatever you're engaged in feeling good, right, inside. So one way to win would be to build toward that. Which could be difficult with anxiety and depression, but certainly more doable than getting over existential concerns about death and meaninglessness.

"if everyone threw their problems in a pile, everyone would rush to pick theirs up again"

I've never heard that quote. But I agree with it. I know I would pick my problems up again. I wouldn't want to, but bad mental habits are hard to break! I hope to learn how to leave problems and other useless stuff dropped.

Maybe that's the source of my anxiety, there's simply no good answer or way out. I just have to live with the uneasy feeling as best as I can.

Yes, if there is meaning in death, I suppose it is to teach us to stop fighting or trying to solve the unsolvable. Death is very powerful. Of course, if we truly learn to accept it, perhaps it ceases to be so powerful. It's no longer running us, we're no longer running from it.

[Matt 93]

Hey I know what it's like I suffer from MDD (major depressive disorder) and severe anxiety. one thing that has been helping me a lot is getting more in touch with god. I started going to church and I found it very comforting. It helps you accept the good and bad things in your life and whenever I leave after a mass, I feel much better. I hope this helps x you're welcome to email me if you need to talk