Is this normal?

[burnse]

Hi -

I'm new to this forum, and newly diagnosed with anxiety. Specifically GAD and panic disorder. But anyway... so I have panic attacks from the "normal" things, but today I have been freaking out about things that aren't so "normal". I am moving into an apartment with someone this fall and that's all fine and dandy, and we are talking about furniture that we are bringing with us to the apartment. Originally, we agreed that I would purchase the living room furniture, it's what I preferred. But now my future roommate has somehow acquired some couches. And all I can keep thinking about is if the couches will look how I want them to look, if they will match the other furniture I have purchased, etc. I am panicking because I want the room to be a certain way, and even writing this now makes me feel so ridiculous, but I can't help it. I am even considering just living by myself just so that my apartment can be exactly how I want it.

Am I a freak? Is this just me being a ridiculous person? I have no idea how to control these feelings, and I feel like I'm going to explode!

Thank you in advance for any helpful comments.

[Mr Jingles]

Am I a freak? Is this just me being a ridiculous person?

If you are a freak and a ridiculous person, then so am I. Now what? Oh, and it sounds like you're judging both this change in your panic situation and your reaction to the situation. I do that to. Welcome to the club.

I have no idea how to control these feelings, and I feel like I'm going to explode!

I can relate. My panic and even worse my sense that I must do something about the panic, about the pre-panic about the pre-pre-pre... (I'm exhausted even thinking about it. What a vicious circle.)

I recently had a day of panic attacks triggered by buying a $3 mouse and then having buyer's remorse. For $3. When your nervous system is keyed up enough, I think it can be set off by anything.

[burnse]

I just want to live alone so I can be in control of everything... but I feel like living alone isn't healthy for me.

[sae]

Trust me, living alone gets old pretty quickly. I was married for 10 years and almost daily I wished I could just live by myself (of course with the kid, but since she decided to become all teenagery on me it's like being alone most days). I hated having to hide in my own home. Then suddenly I was alone. It was cool for a little while. I was given the freedom to decorate, hang out in my chones and play video games on my rare lazy day, sleep on the couch if I damn well pleased... then I became fully aware of the solitude of living alone.
I have since adjusted to being alone, then to living with another adult part time. Honestly the part time thing is really quite enjoyable. It's still my place, I has the controls, but I still get to do my pretend house wife stuff at times too.
I commend you for taking the step toward having a roommate. I tried that briefly last year and it was a nightmare (but that was really more because I let a woman with two very out of control preteens move in). Eventually the new will wear off and you'll know each other's living habits and develop a routine.

[jessed03]

Wouldn't ever live with another person, my friend. My home is my castle. I'd probably let a cat come live with me, they're cool. But that's about it.

You're in control of your own life. You do need to decide what it is you want though. Once you've decided that, think about how to make it work for you, how to make it healthy. Don't live your life in your brain thinking what if this, what about that. Weigh up the pro's and cons of living alone or with others and decide what works best for you. Then do that.

If, after all of that, you're still not happy, change it back or change it again. That's how wisdom works. It's how getting to know yourself works.

[gypsylee]

I can't live with people either but I'm a real loner. It's nice to have some company though. It just depends on what kind of person you are really.

Mr Jingles is spot on with, "When your nervous system is keyed up enough, I think it can be set off by anything." So no, you aren't a freak