I feel like I can't carry on with this anxiety

[Laurensimpson14]

I'm 19 and I've been suffering with extremely bad anxiety since a tragic event happened in my life. It's been on going for the past 18 months and I really feel I can't deal with it anymore. I often have horrible thoughts in my head that I shouldn't be here anymore but I don't want that. It started off with me feeling sick every single day for the past 18 months and it affects my stomach a lot to the point where it physically hurts and makes me cry. I should probably say that my phobia is vomit, I can't even say the word without feeling sick, I can't be near anyone who coughs or feels ill or if anyone is ill, then I have to try and take myself away from the situation even if that means locking myself away in my bedroom. I often can't eat when I feel like this (so most days) and it's led to me losing an awful lot of weight which worries me and that has led me to stay in hospital recently bc I couldn't eat and had no strength and got very underweight. I struggle to put any weight on now. It just really gets to me bc I just feel like 'why is it happening to me? When will this stop? Will it ever go away? How much longer can I carry on like this?' It's ruining my life to the point where I don't leave my house now or use any transport in fear of me being sick. I just Sony know what to so anymore. I have high intensity CBT but I feel like it's not working and I don't know where to go from here. I don't want to live like this my whole life. I've spent countless times down the doctors but they just give me different things to push it away every time. It leaves me feeling so down and useless. OS anyone able tô suggest anything or help? It would be much appreciated.

[gypsylee]

Hi Lauren and welcome

Did they not help you with your anxiety at all in the hospital? They sometimes send social workers to see patients who end up in hospital with things like this. Anyway, you could perhaps get a referral from the doctor to either a psychologist or a psychiatrist. Have they tried meds?

Hang in there - things can get a lot better with the right help.

All the best,
Gypsy x

[Laurensimpson14]

Thank you for replying.

No the hospital didn't help me with my anxiety. They tell me it's all in my head which it probably is but I a any seem to stop this anxiety. They did multiple tests too. And no the doctors haven't tried any meds. I kind of feel like they annoyed at how many ones I've been down there in he sat year so I try and not go now and suffer with whatever is going on to see if it subsides which it never does.

Thank you x

[Im-Suffering]

I'm 19 and I've been suffering with extremely bad anxiety since a tragic event happened in my life.

What was this event. You cant heal the symptoms and go on with your life, joyfully, until you heal the emotional cause.

What was your life like pre-event? can you remember your thoughts, ones related to how you feel now? Another words, did you ever, before the event, have any of the same phobia's, anxiety, thoughts as you do now, even in mild form (where you didnt give much attention to them).

What are your parents like (or your caregivers, the people that raised you) - did they have health anxiety in any form?

In the past 18 months, how deeply did you delve into this event (to release and heal the trauma, shock) with therapy? (not CBT).

Just some questions to answer, inside yourself, you dont have to here in public. Know the emetophobia (vomit fear) are triggers only, its not the cause, it may as well be anything - fear of closets, planes, but whatever fear you choose will be most personal and effective at pointing to the real underlying issues unique to you. For example your weightloss and personal issues point to a denial of life itself and a form of suicide. Which in many cases is only recognized if one ends their life quickly, you see. Those that take years to do it are not officially termed 'suicide'. If one dies after 30 years of chain smoking -

or a period of time starving the body of its vital life force and nutrients -

it is not considered suicide, but was just as effective as a rope.

With all the lamenting, brooding, and withdrawal, suppression, you deny the basic natural expression of the mind and body, the innate exuberance every creature has toward health and living, so ofcourse your mind, mentally speaking is not going to leave you alone, until you heal it.

It is therapeutic (the triggers) in that they are a built in impetus (inherent) to correct any negative thinking.

What you are expressing is of a small child starving for attention and love. Strong tendencies of emotional abuse and neglect, abandonment which could have been triggered by this traumatic event. say for example if a person dies who was this childs security blanket, who showed love and caring, and once gone, she is left emotionally empty around those others who would and have invalidated her.

Now, your only 19, so I ask you to put on your thinking cap here (this is not your general everyday post), or bring this message with you to therapy, and start the real work, not just an attempt to bury and cover it up. CBT for example is most beneficial if the patient is 'willing' to get back into life. Has a desire, you see. And so one must be ready for change (to move on), mentally.

In the short term, medication can help, not to dumb it all down, but to offer some relief while you explore the issues in a calmer state, not so much worried over the health, so the attention and focus can be applied to more beneficial areas.

So youve got work to do, i will send you well wishes along with this message. Without sounding pompous i advise you to read through it a few times for your own good.

[gypsylee]

Thank you for replying.

No the hospital didn't help me with my anxiety. They tell me it's all in my head which it probably is but I a any seem to stop this anxiety. They did multiple tests too. And no the doctors haven't tried any meds. I kind of feel like they annoyed at how many ones I've been down there in he sat year so I try and not go now and suffer with whatever is going on to see if it subsides which it never does.

Thank you x

Oh.. You shouldn't have to feel like you just have to suffer in silence. I know how doctors can be though. It's such a relief when you find one that you get along with and know you can go to them for help. Do you have support from family? Maybe someone can help you find a good doctor.

[1Bluerose68]

Support group therapy is nice too, then you meet others w/ similar problem and all get to share your stories and support 1 another and it becomes a kind of bonding w/ new friends type of thing.

[gypsylee]

Support group therapy is nice too, then you meet others w/ similar problem and all get to share your stories and support 1 another and it becomes a kind of bonding w/ new friends type of thing.

Yes, good point Bluerose. Doing this kind of thing actually changes the brain.

[Mr Jingles]

Lauren,

why is it happening to me? When will this stop? Will it ever go away? How much longer can I carry on like this?

I ask myself those questions a lot when I'm scared or depressed. I'll bet most of the people that come to this board do. I don't have the answers yet. I know in my heart it will stop even though it feels it won't, especially when I'm depressed. I see evidence of slow change. Yeah, tough questions.

How bad does your anxiety get? Do you get panic attacks? Are you able to watch the anxiety, let go into it at all? I often seriously lose my mind, can't think at all, just panicky thoughts. Is it like that for you, or something different?