Suicide.. Please help me

[Kellie]

I will try keep this short, but I really need someone to talk me down because I can't do it on my own..

A week ago, my flatmates saved my life, they stopped me from killing myself because of my depression anxiety..

One of my flatmates is a guy I used to hang around with, he left me for his ex then came back and went with my best friend who is also my flatmate but they aren't in a relationship, hes just playing her.. Needless to say, he is a player. We all know this.

The other night, he was helping me through another panic attack, I kissed him.. It meant nothing and I would never ever hurt my best friend, she is everything to me, I was in a state where I didn't know what was happening, I guess a lot of you people know what I mean, and I know there is no excuse. He slept in my bed with me that night because he had to watch me, I told her about that, Just not the kiss. The problem I have is that I haven't told her and I know if I do, I will lose her and I cannot deal with that, and I know I will harm myself.. If I was in a right state of mine, I would have told her the second it happened but I can't survive without her. Please help me.. I need to talk to someone who understands..

[gypsylee]

Why do you have to tell her now?

[NixonRulz]

I will try keep this short, but I really need someone to talk me down because I can't do it on my own..

A week ago, my flatmates saved my life, they stopped me from killing myself because of my depression anxiety..

One of my flatmates is a guy I used to hang around with, he left me for his ex then came back and went with my best friend who is also my flatmate but they aren't in a relationship, hes just playing her.. Needless to say, he is a player. We all know this.

The other night, he was helping me through another panic attack, I kissed him.. It meant nothing and I would never ever hurt my best friend, she is everything to me, I was in a state where I didn't know what was happening, I guess a lot of you people know what I mean, and I know there is no excuse. He slept in my bed with me that night because he had to watch me, I told her about that, Just not the kiss. The problem I have is that I haven't told her and I know if I do, I will lose her and I cannot deal with that, and I know I will harm myself.. If I was in a right state of mine, I would have told her the second it happened but I can't survive without her. Please help me.. I need to talk to someone who understands..

The reason most people want to come clean about having an affair or anything that can be viewed as cheating is because of their own guilt.

Nothing good will come from telling her. If the dude understands why it happened and is compassionate about your anxiety, he knows that when in the midst of a panic attack, no one is thinking so clearly. If that is the case, he will keep it to himself.

And since you understand you were not thinking clearly due to the panic, write it off as just something that you wouldn't have otherwise done.

Forgive yourself and keep it to yourself. No harm, no foul

I am curious about one thing though, why did she think it was okay for her to hang with him since he was your ex? That breaks the guy code but you ladies may have a code of your own.

[Kellie]

I found out that he only went for my best friend because he found out I was with another guy and he wanted to get back at me. That's the reason why she went there too.
He wont tell anyone. I don't think. I just feel so guilty but like I said, I would never do anything to hurt her.
He keeps saying it wasn't cheating since they aren't together and never were. But she likes him alot and its girl code to never go there but she did it too me, however different circumstances.
I needed to hear that.
I'm not a bad person, it was a mistake..

[gypsylee]

I found out that he only went for my best friend because he found out I was with another guy and he wanted to get back at me. That's the reason why she went there too.
He wont tell anyone. I don't think. I just feel so guilty but like I said, I would never do anything to hurt her.
He keeps saying it wasn't cheating since they aren't together and never were. But she likes him alot and its girl code to never go there but she did it too me, however different circumstances.
I needed to hear that.
I'm not a bad person, it was a mistake..

I remember being in situations like this. Once you get to my age though *shakes walking stick* they seem really trivial. If it comes up just say you were in the middle of a panic attack and didn't know what was going on. Hopefully it all just blows over though.

[dewdroponwiltinggrass]

You said it was a mistake, so you meant no harm to her. You are not at fault, darling. You are such a good friend to her for being so concerned about her feelings. Not everyone is like that. I wish she could be the same to you if ever you tried to tell about it but if you are so sure that she would not understand yet your situation of having anxiety, then I think it is fine even if you don't tell her about it. Don't feel bad. I don't really see something wrong with what happened.

[Im-Suffering]

You better read this post a few times. There is no other way for me to reach you, than the following comments:

I just feel so guilty.


I'm not a bad person, it was a mistake..

This is not what you believe, you believe you are a bad person. Which is the reason for the depressed feelings and anxiety to begin with. You weren't born feeling this way, you were conditioned.

Admit to your mistake(s) in life. Never carry guilt. Everyone else here suggests you bury it, not realizing this hurts YOU (and themselves for suggesting it). And is a major factor in your depressed (despondant) feelings which if left unresolved could lead to repeated thoughts of suicide. While other people are afraid of you, like walking on eggshells in fear of hurting you further, or pity, I honor who you are. There is a difference.

I see the good in you, the value. The way for you to see it in yourself is to remove the tarnish, like polishing an old antique until it shines again.

Life will not bend to your mistakes, period. Resolving them for you.
You heal your mistakes, period. You take responsibility, regardless of the people around you and their good/bad suggestions. By mending, healing, resolving, and facing, it would be impossible to believe in any way, that you are somehow inherently bad.

If, throughout your life, you make mistakes, face them immediately. The initial fear or hurt or confrontation is nothing compared to a closet full of accumulated guilt over a period of time.

Do you understand?

You don't blame "I did this but it is not as bad as what you did to me."

You love and respect -

"I love you, you are my best friend. I made a mistake and I am so sorry for it. I assure you, I will never break your trust again", and it will be over.