Fear Of Everything

[jacques.n]

Hello to anyone reading this, here is my story.

i have had anxiety since the age of about 5 or 6 mainly seperation anxiety from my parents, i have always lived in fear that my parents will not be their if i leave home, my anxiety levels remained moderate through highschool and became severe when i was 19, my father died and i cut contact with everyone i know in 2001.

since then i have lived in fear, had cotact with no one, will not answer phones, will not answer the door, very little contact with family (2-3 times a year) have no friends and have never had a girlfriend or had any contact with women for that fact, i can't drive without my mother being in the car and i am now 33 years old and am still to scared to leave my mothers side for more than an hour, my life is a mess, mum had to spend all of her life savings looking after me because for 7 years i had no income and was unable to access centerlink payments only last year was i able to gain access to the DSP. things got so bad we had no fridge no hot water and no shower, mum had to make us both clothes ecause we could not afford to buy them. i have been on other forums but was removed because of my depressive thoughts.

i only want to live long enough to care for my mother in her old age then i plan to take my own life, i can't live without mum and would not survive on my own, i tried going to a Psych but it was unhelpful and CBT does not work for me, i am on medication but it only takes the edge off of the anxiety and does nothing for the depression, all i think about all day is how to take my own life during the time i am awake, i can only stay awake for a few hours at a time, i am so exhausted all of the time and struggle to get any motivation at all.

talking about my problems does not seem to help either but i do find it comforting knowing their is others out their like me.

i am frightened that time is going by so fast, i see most of the people i went to school with getting married buying cars, houses and going hollidays, and i can't even buy my own clothes, i knew for the longest time my life was going to end up like this, but i had no idea how bad it was going to get.

sorry about how all this sounds, i have been struggling for so long and i do find it humiliating telling people i can't be away from my parents at the age of 33, but i have no one else to talk to.

thankyou to any one reading this.

[gypsylee]

Hello

Where abouts in Australia are you? (I gather you're in Oz cos of "Centrelink")

Welcome to the forum by the way.

Cheers,
Gypsy x

[jacques.n]

Hi gypsylee,

I am from regional NSW.

nice to meet you.

[gypsylee]

Hi gypsylee,

I am from regional NSW.

nice to meet you.

Hey I'm on the Mornington Peninsula south of Melb.

Hope you find some support here.. It's a bit strange sometimes but there are some awesome people.

[jacques.n]

Hi Gypsylee,

my mother says Melbourne is beautiful, you are so lucky, i hope you like it their. i don't particularly like where i live, people seem to want to know me, i grew up in Brisbane and their people ignore you, you are anonymous and i got used to that, here people want to know who you are and i struggle to handle that.

i have used computer for a long time, but have little experiances with forums so i hope i don't say or do anything wrong.

Thank you so much, i find i get severe panic attacks having to talk to people so i hope i can get comfortable quickly here and get to know some people.

take care

[gypsylee]

Hi Gypsylee,

my mother says Melbourne is beautiful, you are so lucky, i hope you like it their. i don't particularly like where i live, people seem to want to know me, i grew up in Brisbane and their people ignore you, you are anonymous and i got used to that, here people want to know who you are and i struggle to handle that.

i have used computer for a long time, but have little experiances with forums so i hope i don't say or do anything wrong.

Thank you so much, i find i get severe panic attacks having to talk to people so i hope i can get comfortable quickly here and get to know some people.

take care

Melbourne is a great city yeah. I'm about an hour south near the beach, which is really nice. I've been here pretty much my whole life. I did live in a rural area (northern Vic) for a few years and my anxiety/depression got really bad, so I moved back to the coast. I know what you mean about being anonymous - I much prefer it to people knowing my business.

I spent a year here just reading posts before I even said anything. I found it really helpful just knowing there are others who experience what I do. Most of the activity goes on in the Anxiety Disorders/General Discussion board, so maybe have a read there.

[jacques.n]

Oh it sounds so nice where you are.

Oh ok i will check out the anxiety thread. But i have real trouble getting involved in other peoples conversations so i might just read them for a while.

I am shaking so bad even writing this i scares me so much to do new things.