yet another depressed individual

[Im-Suffering]

Depends where you are in life. I definitely think that I am old.



I definitely think it's doe to my current situation in life. As I've said, when we moved back to "my room" I was really, really happy, my sex drive was high, I was completely at peace. My mind at the time was this; we don't have to pay the rent, all the money we earn we'll save, the project I'm working on will take off soon, things are really starting to get better.

But it didn't pan out like that. And I'm a mess. Life slipping away, I have no clear direction, I have ambition of what I really want to be but I don't have the guts to actually do it. One of the things that I should do in order to "act" on my gut feeling is quit this job. Thanks to my current situation, I can't even think about losing this income, even though I wake up every morning with the same old sigh.

Sit tight. And you will get the encouragement you ask for, maybe enough to 'spark' some enlightenment and even new thought, constructive thought to light the way 'out'.

Briefly:

You create your reality, you have forgotten your hand in it, and so the depressive state, or despondency, a better term, is self created by decisions and actions wholly from the self - and your beliefs, especially childhood conditioning in relation to marriage, relationships, and your own gifts, what you are capable of. These 'facts' or your world view dictate what you experience, it cannot be any other way. If you create the pain (or joy), you are meant to feel it physically, as a result of your mental fulfillment, or lack thereof.

The family and to an extent the girl and the environs are enablers, and the sooner the self picks up the bootstraps and moves out into the fear, the sooner the demons will be scared away, and life, like the parting of the seas, will move out of the way, for the man who is determined to find his life. And creative expression. An enabling lifestyle will crumble, eventually. You will knock it down yourself, as part of the repressed energies. So you better be aware what you are up to. Aware of the choices made, and the probable future created by them. Knowing that you create your reality could have an immediate impact on those choices, and so I want you to 'think' about how you would do things differently if your thoughts, actions, and expectations actually manifest into 'reality', day to day. If you trace back your thoughts, actions and so forth, you will see at any given time, looking down the road, that you got what you expected. (feel it). Moving back into 'your room', looking back, you can see how this may have backfired. And to some degree then, you want to develop clear thinking, that is the purpose. With clarity, you can fine tune your intent. The difficulty is in clarity itself, how do you get clear? By acting in your highest regard for self, in your best interests and out of love for who you are. Then you can never go astray from souls intent. The face that the 'highest regard for self' would take (in your decisions)? Love.

Come from great love, honor, and respect for the self. Now moving back to 'the room' looks a bit differently, doesnt it? Not all that good a decision. It was a decision made from fear, which is on the opposite side of the love coin, love's misguided and distorted step brother.

Others will be around in time to help you along. If you remember anything from this post -, know the despondency or depression is from indecision, decisions you should have made but let fester (or wrong haphazard faulty decisions), which turned to doubt, to worry, and ultimately to fear and 'stuck' or powerless, like you are playing a game of telephone, where you have finally forgotten you are the instigator. and in the end memory loss and blame. Its your life, if the fear says "I cannot" then you must examine why, and endeavor to take small steps to change beliefs, that are false, and move into a new life. It would surprise you how easy it is, when you finally decide. A clear decision is power, you see. And you need that sense of personal empowerment to break you free.

Maybe more later if needed.