Get your anxeity under control and get rid of it forever!

[Im-Suffering]

Thanks guys! I actually do have an account here - but with as with all things; a fresh start is usually a good start. Big emphasis on usually

I had no idea that my text looked "spamy" I just wrote what came to mind. I think it was better this way instead of writing 3000 words directly on this site. I will keep that in mind for future references.

I can't believe that I am here. Honestly, there was a time when I would visit forums like this and just cry my eyes out in front of the screen while I was typing out "help me!" with capslock. The most surreal experience I had was when I was accompanying a friend to the psych award here in Sweden, as emotional support. While he was there I spent time to talk to the people who was waiting in que. I listened and talked to them lovingly. They needed it. They couldn't believe that I had ever been anxious about anything in my life. This is what I want to create for everyone else.

I have read your blog. Now, let's get right to it.

There was never a period of releasing and healing. Like so many before you, and here on these boards, life is molded around a traumatic event. The event itself too painful to dig into, seemingly an impossible task, and also a rigid event - and so one escapes from it in all directions, even with great determination it may seem life has changed, until one day, pow, it KO's you out of the blue. And so thousands of weakened souls return to these boards, often years later, "help! I've relapsed and my methods of dealing with them aren't working !".

The aggression at 16 or so for a period of time was the psyche splitting itself. No one would ever touch you, in the same way, or hurt you - and so a new identity formed, a stronger controlling, dominating, aggressive personality that would deal with life, and protect the otherwise defenseless little boy, and to an extent his mom. This was not conscious however.

In those years locked at home, the psyche had a crisis, as the angry, aggressive side came into awareness, you became aware of what you were doing, and so there was an attempt to suppress it. A third personality emerged to mediate. With that suppression, the ego was weakened in its abilities to judge your experience, threatened even, and so you have a retreat, afraid, and lost.

Now, from within all of this, from suppressed egos, and from distorted life views, beliefs, and I say distorted because they were born from the mind of that 7 year old that watched mom leap out the window.

Now, the current life, is as distorted as the past. Neither of which are true to self. Both distorted opposites of the real self that is still shrouded in pain. You now use an aggressive personhood, rather than fisticuffs.

What has been done with the pain, the hurts of that small child? You can't begin to fathom the 'real you' which would emerge once those energies were released. That person looks nothing like the current identity, which is the result of the pain, or the weak identity in the bed which was a result of the aggressive identity suppressed.

I am telling you that you will never meet true self, who you are, unless you clear the stored emotions, heal, and release. Then your blog will be happy, and joyful, with no need for the dramatic tearjerker style and intent of the writings. When the pain is gone, you will be a different person, and that blog you wrote will be foreign, as a feint memory or perhaps seem like another life entirely. You wouldn't even be able to write in that way.

And so, what have you done with the pain and memories of that child? That fateful day. And the days leading to it, and the days after. What were his thoughts about himself, family, relationships, his ideas, beliefs. What conclusions did that child come to watching his father that day. About himself, men, leadership, role models, the world, women - all anger, hatred based false ideas.

One day it will catch up to you, and you will crash (again). You must meet self, you must face it, at some point. Rather than spending all energies avoiding or running from that demon, using spirituality, books or whatever tool to escape it. You must not bury it, by being good, so to speak, you cannot be good and bad at once. In a way, you would martyr the self. You must forget the good, so to speak, for a moment, the forced good acts - unbury the dead of the past, wash over in the pain, feel the fears, face the demons, and release them. Then the good will emerge, as naturally as a new seedling into a beautiful flower, you see.

That is all.