Dating With Anxiety- Begging for Help

[Im-Suffering]

I don't understand why all these little things bother me. It makes me feel anxious, nervous, sad, angry...all of that whenever she: listens to music that I don't particularly care for, talks about her family, talks about her friends...I think it's anything that makes her happy that doesn't involve me. I know I shouldn't but I can't help it! Someone has to feel the same way. Why do these things bother me?!? I hate it. Please.

The universe will answer your plead for help, so you better listen carefully. No sugarcoating here. Do not question any of it, or turn your back. By the time we are done, you will understand your actions, and you will know what to do. It will be the direct opposite of who you are now. So let's begin:

You were abandoned (psychologically) as a child. Separated from love. When I say abandoned I don't mean dumped into the street. You know what I mean. And so you felt alone and shut down. You closed your heart. No matter how much you tried, what you did, you could not gain approval, and so you felt less than human.

To an extent, you are still living that, childhood wasn't so long ago, you are essentially still in it.

And so love comes around in the form of a peer who does care for you, triggering all the bad memories, and conflicting beliefs you hold. Fearful of the loss of this love you continually test it and assume by pushing it away, you would test her. Everything in your mind is a lie.

You are living a lie. Because you believe you are unworthy. You as a child made up any story about you that you could, to rationalize the pain, hurt, from a child's perspective, which is false because a child is not mentally equiped to make self decisions. You saw your parents as good, you were bad. Not deserving of love.

And so now, at 19, in love, panicking at every turn of the loss of love and abandonment, you do all that you can to distance her.

You must act this way, you are acting on your false lie-beliefs that raise emotions you don't understand. Instead of questioning these thoughts, you blindly follow then, fucking up this relationship, and every other until one day the school of hard knocks breaks through the psychological wall with so much pain, you simply are forced to change or die.

Make that day today. Examine your thoughts and do not act on them blindly like a fool without first saying 'this is bullshit, this is not me, this is my crappy conditioning and I will not believe it. I will show love, compassion, I will be there for here, encourage our relationship to grow"

"I will become a man right now, separating foolish childhood thoughts and beliefs from my current experience" "my current experience shows me love, whereas my belifs inside tell me to run, push, and destroy love, because the child inside me is hurt and fearful. And so it is a mirage, a distortion, and I must live in the now"

You had better listen. Read this post 1000 times a day until you get it. The universe has spoken, and given its gift. Use it to expose the past, separate the child from the man..The man trusts, believes, honors, has faith in, loves, respects, stays with, opens, gives. You become that man, that your meant to be.

Practice, practice, practice.

End of message.

Unedited, given as is, so excuse grammar if there are typos.