Hello! I need some help!

[GMVP913]

Hi, my name is Gianna and I'm 19 years old. The earliest I can remember getting a panic attack was in third grade. I also have some OCD. My dad has always had anxiety and a bit of OCD also, I know anxiety it's hereditary, but I think I know why it started then. Third grade was sort of a hard year for me. First, I'm an only child, and was the only kid in my immediate family, (besides my cousin who lived farther away) so when my aunt told me she was pregnant, although I love my little cousin now, I got sort of sad that I wasn't going to be the baby anymore. During this year my grandmother's breast cancer also came back and she was taken back to her house to be taken care of there. My mom and dad would always leave me at my other grandmother's and aunt's house. They were wonderful people, but I just missed my parents and a lot of the time would get really nervous that they were gone for so long. My grandmother passed away that October and about a week later my little cousin was born. This was the first time I lost someone close to me, so I'm pretty sure that, my parents leaving me at my other family members houses' and my cousin being born started my anxiety.

I've been dealing with them since then. I would get them everyday in middle school and kept a journal for a little while. I was doing pretty well in ninth grade, but then, in tenth grade they got worse and the whole year I was in and out of school. My school changed the scheduling, so instead of having seven classes for forty-five minutes, they had four classes which were about two hours long. I couldn't just sit in a seat for two hours with thirty other kids and try to actually listen and do my work. The second day of school I was in class and had to text my dad to come get me. I actually sat in the office for a few hours every day to try to get me back into school and had many meetings with the school to try and solve this problem. I was going to a therapist and trying medication, but nothing seemed to be working. The whole year was awful and I was diagnosed with depression. I just wanted to stay in bed all day and I felt like I was in a hole and couldn't escape. Luckily, instead of having to go back to my high school for eleventh grade, there was another option. I went to this school called Coast Collaborative. There's only a few around the country and I was lucky enough to have one in my hometown. It was basically an alternative way to graduate high school. It was one big room with only a few kids and two teachers. It lasted for 4 hours, you could go outside if you needed too and the teachers were great. I was able to get my diploma from my high school too. Sadly, this made me get used to not having to fully deal with my anxiety. School was basically the only place where I really got it. I stopped going to a therapist, because I was fine, but then I started community college this September. The school I was going to is about 20-25 minutes away from where I live, so this didn't really help the situation. I went the first day and was completely fine, but the next time I went I had one of the worst panic attacks I've gotten in a long time. I was sitting at the desk and as soon as my professor closed the door I felt like I was going to faint, I started sweating and shaking. My heart started beating really fast and my face felt numb. I walked up to the professor in the middle of class and asked to leave, when I later realized I could have just walked out. Then I went to the bathroom and texted my parents. I had to walk in and grab my bag and I went straight to the disability counselor. She helped me change my classes to online classes. I was relived that I didn't have to actually go to class, but this still isn't solving my problem with anxiety. I usually get anxiety when I feel like I can't escape. Even if I'm in a conversation with someone and I feel like I can't just walk away, I sometimes feel a panic attack coming on. This is usually with people I'm not close too. Does anyone else get like this?

I've been fine going out with my friends. I never really had a problem with it. I have three really close friends that I've known since I was a kid and we basically just hang out with each other. They also know about my panic attacks and have experienced them themselves, so that might be why I feel so comfortable. As I said before, my dad also has them, so it's good to have someone to talk to about it. My dad seems to have it worse than I do and as bad as it sounds, I'm scared of becoming like him, but I feel like I am. He always has to have my mom with him and can't go anywhere alone. He used to be able to go to work by himself, but my mom started working with him, so now he's with her 24/7. I just got my license a few months ago and can't even drive by myself. Part of why I can't is, because I'm afraid to have a panic attack on the road. I decided I wanted to try and get help. Since regular therapy really didn't work the first time I want to try hypnotherapy. I found a guy with great reviews online and I emailed him. I'm waiting for him to call to ask some question and hopefully make an appointment.

I recently got a seasonal job at Marshall's, which I now realize was not a good idea. I went the first day for orientation three days ago and stayed for six hours. I was fine. I then went for another day to actually work and I was fine again. Then yesterday when I went for a five and a half hour shift I got a little panicky. The lady who was supposed to be training me said she was going to lunch for forty-five minutes and she would be back. Until then I should just go to my department and clean up a little. I was a little nervous that I would not have anything to occupy myself and got a little anxious, but thankfully controlled it, but she never came back and I was forced to walk around my area just fixing things on shelves for an hour and a half. When I got home that night I became very nervous to have to go to work this Tuesday. I had trouble sleeping. I woke up really early and I was crying talking to my mom and felt nauseous just thinking about having to go back even though I don't have to for two days. My parents are very supportive, especially my dad and they want me to keep trying if I can, but just the thought of having to go there for five and a half hours is making me get anxiety. I really don't want to go back and I want to quit. I know I shouldn't, because it'll look bad and I made a commitment, but I just don't know what to do. I just can't go back knowing that I might have to just occupy myself for that amount of time or longer. The other women who was training me was not very friendly and I know she'll be back Tuesday. I really would like to go in tomorrow, which is Monday and tell my manager I really can't do it, because of my anxiety. Do you think this is how I should do it? I never had a job before, so I didn't know how I would react to having one. I'm just so embarrassed to have to explain this situation and quit. It will only be my second week. Have you guys had any experiences? If so, how did you handle them? Sorry this is so long! I just needed to get it out there. Thank for reading and I look forward to talking to you all!

[Maxine]

Hi! That really sucks about the job. There are a few options for you at this point. You need to just figure out what's important to you and what your needs are and if this job is worth how it makes you feel. Maybe it could be a good growing experience for you. And give you an opportunity to push yourself. Or maybe something else that would keep you more busy, like a waitress, would be a better fit for you. But only you have the answer to these questions. But no matter what happens and what choice you make, you are always exactly where you're supposed to be. Always.

[lukeypoo1412]

Gianna- Sounds like you have been combatting your anxiety for a long time! You should be able to find an escape here on the forum, so share your thoughts and feelings, and hopefully it will make you feel better. You aren't alone in the struggle, that's important to remember. Have a great day.

Luke

[crystalw]

Hey, Gianna! I can relate to you on a number of things. I'm 23 and have been suffering from anxiety attacks when I was younger as well, especially when being away from my parents. I remember once my parents dropped me off at school, I'd sit in class and cry till my nose bled and I was put in a class with students who had similar behaviors. It got a lot better as I got older, and entering high school it was almost non-existent. I had a lot of friends and loved going to school, but I had a hard time paying attention a lot of the time. I think that having friends and meeting new people (My dad was in the Navy so we moved often) helped keep my anxiety at bay.

Just recently by anxiety started to spike up again. I get the crazy fast heart rate, sweaty palms, and irrational thoughts. My dad also has OCD, which was passed along to me. If I don't check certain things throughout my apartment five times each, I start to get anxiety which just turns into a vicious cycle. I also get the irrational thoughts pretty bad, especially when I'm not really doing anything. I never really get time where my brain is just "off" or relaxed.

With your recent experience with your job, I can relate. Down time is terrible, and I think that our OCD can cause us to freak out about not having a task or assignment to do.

As you get older, you'll start to find what your interests and hobbies are. You'll find that keeping yourself busy with a hobby, helps A LOT. Sometimes, when I'm by myself and can feel it's going to be an anxiety-ridden evening, I'll watch a light-hearted movie and browse the internet (don't look up symptoms of anything). I don't drink or smoke, so I'll usually drink chamomile tea which helps wonders.

Aside from having a hobby, be your own best friend. As I've gotten older my number of friends have started to dwindle down to just a few good friends and my husband, but who I love the most is myself. Understand that your anxiety is a part of you, and everyone and I mean everyone (the 7 billion people in the world!) has their faults. When you start to feel your heart racing and your thoughts get out of control, just stop for a second and tell yourself that this happens. Anxiety happens, and pushing yourself to do what you love to ignore the anxiety is the best way of 'dealing with it.'

Go for a jog, call or even text a friend, come to this Forum, browse funny pictures, chat with a friend, watch a movie, draw or sketch, write a blog, write/read a book! There are million other things we can spend our precious time on than worrying about... being worried!