Do any of you have the same problem I do? **NEED ADVICE**

[Steven Miller]

You sound very self-aware, I can't believe you're in high school? wow. It's one thing to know what's going on on the surface, but you have to face what's going on underneath. There may be feelings inside of you that are unacceptable by society's standards. Because we are animals, we have drives and desires that do not necessarily conform to what is socially acceptable. A lot of anxiety today is caused by people's fear of accepting that they have these kinds of desires.

I've made the following suggestion in other threads and I will make it here: visualize what will happen if you don't call him. Is he going to show up? Will he not show up? If he doesn't show up, where will he be? Really imagine it. Ask yourself what you would want to have happen if you didn't call him, and what you think most realistically would happen? You may have several different feelings about it. That's ok but you want to acknowledge all of them. You can do this exercise each day, because each day you may feel differently.

Now, next time the bells rings, don't call him and instead say to yourself, "I'm going to see if what I wanted to happen happens, or if what I thought would happen happens, or if both happen" and see for yourself. Its a guessing game. Its scary and exhilarating, but at least you feel alive rather than paralyzed. You aren't afraid of the future because you've already gone through the different scenarios and dealt with them in your imagination. You feel capable of dealing with the various outcomes because you've really put in the work to think through them. It's alot of fun when what you want to have happen actually does happen. You will enjoy seeing his face, asking him how his day went, and knowing he is safe and sound. [Or, maybe it will annoy you. Maybe today is a day you wish you could just leave school without any responsibilities, with no boyfriend or brother to think about] It really isn't up to you, but that doesn't mean you can't care about it. "What if..."