Relationships and Anxiety

[Yazzy]

Both my boyfriend and I suffer from anxiety. However, his is a lot worse than mine. Whereas i am still at work, he has been off sick for nearly 2 years. He doesn't go out much, and for the first time in years we went out for a meal... this is a massive accomplishment for him. I wouldn't wish anxiety on anyone but in a way it is good that he also suffers from it, as he can understand when i have a bad day (vise versa). It can be very hard for people to understand what you are going through... my family especially. I had a bad day yesterday. My gran told me that i would NEVER have a life with Jason (boyfriend) and that he will never be able to support me because he hasn't got a job etc. This brought on a panic attack because of all the negative thoughts she was putting in my head. In a way i can understand where she is coming from but i believe Jason and i will get there in time... its just a slow process. I am extremely close to my family so knowing that some disapprove makes my anxiety a lot worse. If they are telling me to give up on him because of his anxiety then that is basically saying that they should give up on me. I really don't know what to do....

[NixonRulz]

You don't need to do anything regarding your family

As much as I understand the closeness you have, I am sure you know by now that people that have not lived through this, just don't get it

It's not their fault. It is just reality. They can just pull it together and you can't. They expect that you could.

I do believe that it is good that you both can relate to the other because you both are lucky enough to have this kick ass disorder

Conversely, it is also probably easy to feed off each other and perhaps that will make the process to heal take a bit more time

I'm not by any means suggesting you not stay together, only make the main focus yourself.

You both need to focus on your own recovery and if you can do that together, that is awesome

I wish you both the best

[Kuma]

I guess your family probably just cares about you, wants the best for you, and is concerned about the difficulties you may face being in a relationship with someone who is, essentially, at least at the present time, disabled by his anxiety.

They probably do not get what it is like to live with anxiety. I did not get it either, before I experienced it. So maybe they can be excused for that.

And they are right in the sense that you and your boyfriend need to figure out how you will support yourselves, economically, if he continues to be unable to work. That certainly does not mean you need to break off the relationship. But you and he do have to give some thought to your economic plan for the future if boyfriend is unable to work. For example, maybe you are able to work at a job that pays enough to support both of you?

[Exactice]

Kuma nailed it on the head. Your family is just thinking what is "Best for you" not know what the best really is. They are just generalizing a life that you might live that is easy if both people were healthy etc etc.

But they dont understand how you 2 have a common interest. Like a couple with a hobby, this is something you both share, understand and fight through together. So if this is what makes you happy and you can sustain a life with the situation you are in. Then there is no need to worry about what others say. They probably have the best intentions but are just unaware of the true situation!

[Yazzy]

I guess your family probably just cares about you, wants the best for you, and is concerned about the difficulties you may face being in a relationship with someone who is, essentially, at least at the present time, disabled by his anxiety.

They probably do not get what it is like to live with anxiety. I did not get it either, before I experienced it. So maybe they can be excused for that.

And they are right in the sense that you and your boyfriend need to figure out how you will support yourselves, economically, if he continues to be unable to work. That certainly does not mean you need to break off the relationship. But you and he do have to give some thought to your economic plan for the future if boyfriend is unable to work. For example, maybe you are able to work at a job that pays enough to support both of you?

Thank you for replying.

Yes I understand they want the best for me. But the worst thing to do at this point is put pressure on me as it makes my anxiety attacks worsen. Making them understand that is really difficult as they are parents at the end of the day... They are suppose to give us little pushes here and there.

To be honest I wouldn't be able to financially support both of us. Ive just about got comfortable with my job now and I couldn't mentally change jobs as that would make me ill... I have alot of time off as it is.

I certainly do need to think about the future... I want to afford a house and have children and I am terrified he won't be able to support me on that. But thank you guys... I have alot to think about.

[Yazzy]

Kuma nailed it on the head. Your family is just thinking what is "Best for you" not know what the best really is. They are just generalizing a life that you might live that is easy if both people were healthy etc etc.

But they dont understand how you 2 have a common interest. Like a couple with a hobby, this is something you both share, understand and fight through together. So if this is what makes you happy and you can sustain a life with the situation you are in. Then there is no need to worry about what others say. They probably have the best intentions but are just unaware of the true situation!

Thank you, that makes me feel a little bit better. He Is making little progress and I desperately want a future with him. So I will have to be patient.

[Yazzy]

You don't need to do anything regarding your family

As much as I understand the closeness you have, I am sure you know by now that people that have not lived through this, just don't get it

It's not their fault. It is just reality. They can just pull it together and you can't. They expect that you could.

I do believe that it is good that you both can relate to the other because you both are lucky enough to have this kick ass disorder

Conversely, it is also probably easy to feed off each other and perhaps that will make the process to heal take a bit more time

I'm not by any means suggesting you not stay together, only make the main focus yourself.

You both need to focus on your own recovery and if you can do that together, that is awesome

I wish you both the best

I agree. I certainly feed off his anxiety sometimes... Worrying about him. Even when we are both anxious he will snap out of his to look after me. I think the distraction helps

Thank you