"or that if I have children, I'll be a bad mother or that I may spend my time going back and forth in this vicious cycle of worrying and I'll miss out on all the beauty life has to offer."

I really relate to this. If it gives you any comfort, I've been trying to wrap my mind around being a "good enough" mother. I have no children, but I do want to be a mother. Thank you for saying something I thought I was the only person thinking.