My Husband: a severe hypochondriac

[Im-Suffering]

On some level I have always been completely aware of this. This dynamic exists constantly. I've also known that it is his way of asking for attention because he is too embarrased to say that he needs to be held. Just never saw it as core issue, more of a "side effect" of anxiety. But you are right. When his health anxiety kicked in ( he has always been an anxious person mind you, as you said, suffering from panic attacks etc.) I had significantly distanced myself because we had just had a miscarriage and I pulled away completely.

So spot on and thank you.

I cannot give you more, I'm not being given more, I do feel the pain here. But.... I am getting something.....You get what you expect, as a rule. And this is difficult to express feeling the pain and my mind is fuzzy when I try to see an outcome to help.

Now, I'm being told, let him be, period. I'm not saying do what right for you, because you do not have that answer. But, what you do have, is the way you picture him. You create your reality, let's not forget. In your persistent thoughts of his recovery, of his helping out, feeling better, gaining income, supporting you and your feelings. In all things he could be now, I want you to begin mentally portraying him as whole,healthy, and (your ideal of) a perfect husband/father. This you can do

No its not mental masterbation, or positive thinking, you cannot lie and picture him whole, all the while he is clinging to you for dear life, but, you can play a game, "I will for a month, when I think of him, I will see him as I want him to be, for 15 minutes a day, and if nothing changes, no harm done"

Its all about you. I'm telling you to change your perception of him, and watch his changes. Picture him strong, courageous,persistent, loving, helpful, independent, healthy, successful, kind, working/earning, capable, self reliant, complete, and picture him moving through his day as this ideal, put emotion behind it, and love. Do this before sleep as you doze off, leaving your mind to play with creative pictures/solutions as you dream.

I will tell you there is no other way for another to change unless you see them as you want them to be. You cannot physically manipulate, and I know up until now, its been hard to see him positively.

If you were sick, eventually you would put aside your thoughts of worsening, and desire health, you would begin to picture going shopping and the things you love to do, giving impetus to your cells to recoup you see. Should you continue to be afraid and see yourself sick in bed, well that's where you stay !

That's all I have, blessings to you on your journey.