Thanks for both your comments ..
Forwells - I actually know that she is good person with a kind heart .. its all the issues within me that have ruined it. She gave me chance after chance.
Nixon - My ex wife was cheating on me 4 years ago, I got suspicious, turned detective and found it all out… It was awful .. At the same time I lost my business, and my business partners did the dirty also.
But I thought i had got over that huge life trauma and then I met this girl, and now my behaviour has ended it …
I am planning to get professional help.
Its just so hard right now .. i don't feel my friends can help … so i wanted to post on here.

I really appreciate your comments .. I have just ordered some food which will be the first time i have eaten in days… gonna eat and try and sleep
AJ