Mom is mad at me because I have no friends

[Lebestiole]

Okay, so, this is my first post here! I've been following this forum for a while now, and it's comforting to know that there are people out there willing to listen.

My name is Andrea and tomorrow I turn 19 years old. Well, I don't really know if there is something wrong with me, or if I'm just a normal teenager with issues, but I've always ended up hating everyone I've ever met. It's awful. When it's the start of a school year I'm always anxious, I want to make friends and have fun, but I'm always scared of people my age. I feel like they are always judging me. I feel like they laugh at me behind my back all the time. I try to be friendly, and normal and for a while everything is just fine, but then, after a few weeks, it feels like everyone else is happy except me, I feel excluded, even If I'm not! That's when I start to drift apart, and I don't know why. And that's when I start hating them, I blame them and I blame myself for feeling lonely, and I isolate myself once again. I've been bullied before, and I've always been a lonely girl.

The thing is I can deal with that, but my mom is always worried about how I have no friends. She gets angry at me for it. Don't get me wrong, she is an excelent mom, she is the best, but my loneliness worries her a lot. Sometimes she says I'm selfish, or that I'm like this because I want to. She doesn't understand that I can't help it. And what truly bothers me is that she knows how lonely I really am. I am so, so ashamed of being disliked by my classmates, I don't want her to know that everyone out there ignores me. I've always felt like I had to be perfect for my family, and I think I kinda succeded in a lot of things, I'm a great student, I am a nice person, I wouldn't hurt a fly, and I don't drink, I don't smoke, I don't go from boyfriend to boyfriend, but I have no friends.

Some days I truly believe that I'm just an unpleasant person, and I give up on myself.

Tomorrow is my birthday and she got really mad at me for wanting to be alone, she said that not only I have no friends whatsoever, but I also push my family away. I didn't mean to offend her, I just didn't feel like celebrating. She knows it's a sensitive topic for me and yet she said that, it hurt like hell.

What should I do? Should I find some professional help? If so, how do I tell my mom?

Thanks!!! And sorry if I said something wrong, english is not my first language.

[NeverToo...Fear]

Hi Lebestiole, and welcome here to the forums.. For English not being your first language, I wouldn't know otherwise! I understand you just fine ! What is your first language that you speak ?

I get that your Mom is worried/upset/concerned about you having no friends. A parent's job is to make sure their children are happy and lead somewhat normal lives. And part of a normal happy thing is to have human/social interactions. But you have to ask yourself: Do YOU enjoy/want the social interactions? Some people truly don't have a desire. And there's nothing wrong with that. It's just who you are. But really, the important thing is self acceptance. You said it yourself that you succeed in a lot of things. That's great.. but having friends shouldn't have to be in the category of successful !

But if you are finding yourself that you want these social relationships to work and that you don't feel that you fit in, well then there's a problem. If you are choosing to be alone because you fear social interactions, it becomes a hindrance. And there's nothing wrong with perhaps seeking professional help if this is getting out of hand. You might not be up to that point yet. Perhaps with a little practice things can turn around.

Our brain is going to think what it wants. And we can't help how we feel, but we can change in how we deal with it by realizing some things. 9 times out of 10, our peers aren't judging us as harshly as we think they are.. too many times I've assumed that's the case when it simply wasn't. 9 times out of 10 they are just as nervous as you ! ..I am sorry that you have been bullied in the past. I've always been a bit of a loner myself.
The drifting apart thing after so many weeks. Well, if it's happening every time, that might be a subconscious self sabotage that you do because you are sensing something like exclusion, even if it's not the case ! It's just a habit that your brain has learned to do time and time again..

I know I can't get a full picture from words, but you do sound like a nice person to me, Andrea.. Don't give up on yourself. And I hope you have a good 19th birthday tomorrow

[GeneAllen]

Happy Birthday young lady!! Welcome to this forum as well. Tell mom not to worry, you're capable of making your decisions. Of course she cares, but be happy with

you. You did say "people your age". My daughter is 18, and she gets extremely bored with people who are her age, she seems to relate better to older adults, like

her big sis who is 34, and my son who is 27. She just don't like the teen drama and OMG BFF etc. etc. It makes her a bit turned off. She's a country girl though and has

always had a hand in chopping wood, working on cars with me, and laying a wood floor or two. She's not a Gucci kinda girl, all cowboy boots and jeans for her, oh

and a good horse and lots of music. Beautifully unique, aren't we all?

Enjoy 19, Peace

[Dahila]

Welcome to the forum Andrea and Happy Birthday!!!
You must know that she is worried about you.
When I was your age I was bored to tears with my classmates, too. I took a few years for me to find my refuge in judging and breeding boxers. I found my passion, so I found friends, then I never was alone)) I was busy keeping in touch with all breeders and judges, traveling to dog shows ....; Happy , happy...

Sometimes it takes time and a bit of growing up to find what gives you happiness. I am pretty sure you did not find your best friend yet, but it will happen. It is a pleasure to read your post
BTW English is my second language too))

[jjh333]

welcome and happy happy birthday!!

[natr23]

Oh girl. We. Are. Twins. I'm turning 19 in not too long and let me tell you---- I don't like most people I've met, No Joke. They annoy me. I like older folks who have more wisdom and maturity. My step mom and dad always got mad at me for no friends and then just recently I reconnected with my old bestie and it's like they're mad about me not being home as much. Idk but, I'm to the point where is rather work than be home, think about a job, it gets you out the house and meeting new people !!! It's pretty great.

[Lebestiole]

Wow. Thank you so much for your support!!! I still feel a little anxious about going back to school, but I'll try my best to socialize more.
I had a great birthday and mom and I had a long talk about my issues with people my age, she made a few suggestions here and there and well, let's see what happens. C: