Anxiety and Panic have ruined my life!

[Kaylee Quinlan]

2 months ago I was a healthy 26 year old female with a wonderful fiancee and 3 handsome little boys. I was working at an amazing part time job and pursuing my degree in criminal justice to become a police officer or probation officer. Than one day I had a swollen lymph node with no other signs, which turned into problems swallowing, a huge amount of weight loss and it triggered my anxiety. I have been a smoker for 8ish years and a sufferer of chronic heartburn so the first thing I thought, I have esophageal cancer! That was ruled out. Then it was leukemia, also ruled out. Then it was lymphoma, not ruled out but probably dont have. Than the final being lung cancer. I started coughing up blood and the docs did a cat scan, which they say found lingular pneumonia, with lymph nodes present. They promised me there were no masses or growths and that I did not have lung cancer. That was 2 weeks ago. The lymph node has not gone away, the cough is a little better, the blood in my sputum only occasionally happens now (which the dr put me on acid reducers in case i hada bleeding ulcer), i have joint pain in 1 finger, as well as random arm pain and pretty consistent leg pain (all on my left side, which is also where the pneumonia was). Doctors refuse to do a follow up cat scan to make sure the pneumonia is gone and that I really dont have lung cancer. My anxiety is through the roof. I am on an anti deppressant as well as ativan for the anxiety. I have dozens of panic attacks a day. My anxiety is starting to get under control but I still cant shake the fact that I could have cancer or something, even though the drs say the cat scan did not show it. My kids are now in another state (I have not seen them for a month), i dont have a job and I failed school this semester. I cant clean my house because it makes me cry, because everday im afraid I wont live to see tomorrow. My question is: Has anyone ever had this extremity pain with severe anxiety and panic disorder? My panic attacks only cause fast heart rate and trouble breathing. Has anyone ever experienced leg pain or arm pain with these mental health issues? Im trying to find a way to convince myself I dont have a chronic health issue but so far nothing has worked. I want to laugh and get back to life. any feedback on my questions or what i can do to help myself would be more than greatly appreciated. My family does not seem to understand how serious anxiety is and thinks i should just move on and start doing things because even if i do have physical health problems being healthier would help, but I cant do it!

[Lee Grant Irons]

Hi Kaylee,

Sorry things are so tough for you right now. Yes, I have had left arm and chest pain, as well as leg pain on the same side associated with my illness that was accompanied by anxiety. So the pain could be caused by the anxiety. Do you have any other known health conditions that you were already under treatment for when all of this started?

By the way, the blood and the pneumonia could be due to the acid reflux getting into your lungs. The acid reflux could also be causing the left side pain due to regional pain syndrome in which nerves in the region around the damage could experience sympathetic pain.

[Kaylee Quinlan]

Nope, no other health conditions fortunately. The only other thing I have is a hernia that has been there for years but never caused me any problems. I have dealt with some sort of anxiety or depression my whole life but it has never spiraled out of control like this before. I guess its because I have had so many health problems over the last month and besides pneumonia i have not gotten any answers. Its fear of the unknown that is controlling me. It makes me feel better to know that you have had similar pains that I am having. And none of these random pains started to happen until after I started stressing about chronic health issues. I have had other pains and random symptoms that have gone away as I have controlled my anxiety a little bit but the joint pain in my hand and the leg pain has never gone away. Its all just really confusing and scary! The doctors wont do any further testing until I get my anxiety under control. And part of that is because they think anxiety has alot to do with what is going on with me, if not all of what is going on with me. Well besides the pneumonia of course. Everyone keeps telling me that I just need to move on with life, even if I had some sort of chronic health problem like lung cancer. I almost think it would be easier to go on with life if I had a definite answer, than just constantly wondering if I have something wrong or if im going to be alive next year or to watch my kids grow. Ugh darn anxiety!

[embrace123]

Omg I totally understand your feeling. I've been dealing with chest pressure and left side pain I've had a few heart test done but I don't believe them, how are you today?

[Lee Grant Irons]

Nope, no other health conditions fortunately. The only other thing I have is a hernia that has been there for years but never caused me any problems. I have dealt with some sort of anxiety or depression my whole life but it has never spiraled out of control like this before. I guess its because I have had so many health problems over the last month and besides pneumonia i have not gotten any answers. Its fear of the unknown that is controlling me. It makes me feel better to know that you have had similar pains that I am having. And none of these random pains started to happen until after I started stressing about chronic health issues. I have had other pains and random symptoms that have gone away as I have controlled my anxiety a little bit but the joint pain in my hand and the leg pain has never gone away. Its all just really confusing and scary! The doctors wont do any further testing until I get my anxiety under control. And part of that is because they think anxiety has alot to do with what is going on with me, if not all of what is going on with me. Well besides the pneumonia of course. Everyone keeps telling me that I just need to move on with life, even if I had some sort of chronic health problem like lung cancer. I almost think it would be easier to go on with life if I had a definite answer, than just constantly wondering if I have something wrong or if im going to be alive next year or to watch my kids grow. Ugh darn anxiety!

I agree that it is better to know if I have some disease than to not know. The point is that the chances are that I don;t have some horrible disease, and so my mind will be relieved. However, if it turns out I do have some disease, then the earlier I know, the sooner that something can be done about and the greater chance I have of coming out of it with minimal long-term effects. And so what happens if I do find out I have some bad illness. Well I have anxiety now when not knowing. So nothing will be differernt about my anxiety, but now I will know and can do something.

Knowing is always better.

[Gingerbreadelf]

You need something to relax yourself, feel better about. you may not realize it, but you are under stress which is making your anxiety worse. You need something to take your mind off it, it's really as simple as that.

the hard part is, you may not have that thing that will help you relax.. but you have to work on finding it. force yourself to do something you once enjoyed, even if you don't feel like doing it, maybe it's painting, or writing, video games etc.., just carve out some time for yourself once a day to do something for fun, alone, so you can make balance in your day.

Having kids, being engaged and starting your life out with someone is a big step, and is a change, and pressure at first (even if you don't realize it, it is) and working on your degree is a lot of work and pressure too, all this can add up, and make you obsess over your health.

You need to find some balance for yourself. Being an anxiety sufferer, I can tell you this has helped me out.

I could be wrong on your situation, but just giving you my suggestions, good luck.

[Kaylee Quinlan]

I have had several ekg's done as well and they have always been fine. My oxygen levels have always been great too. I have had numerous Xrays that never showed a thing and I finally convinced the drs to do a cat scan and what do you know, there is something there. They said it was pneumonia and if they even thought it could be a tumor they would have let me know and had me done further testing. I have had numerous blood tests and my blood count was completely fine. I have had a laryngoscopy to check my throat and a barium swallow test to test my swallowing and look for tumors in my esophagus and stomach. Every test has been completely normal except the chest cat scan. My fiancee tells me that I need to accept what the doctors say and move on with life but I cant help but think they are wrong. Yes, I will be the first to admit that I have anxiety and that is causing a lot of physical and emotional issues but it doesnt mean that people with mental diseases dont get sick with physical problems. My problem was that I kept going to the Emergency Room and by the time I saw a regular doctor she was rude and told me that nothing is going on with me but anxiety and ocd and refused to do a cat scan because it could give me cancer in the long run. I finally ended up in the ER one day and told the dr the only way my anxiety is going to get better is if they do the cat scan and it showed nothing. Doctor came back and said they didnt find lung cancer but they did find pneumonia. Now I am the google queen so of course I google everything and sure enough, drs have been wrong on xrays and cat scans, saying it was pneumonia but it was lung cancer or even saying it was lung cancer but it was not. Im stuck in between a rock and a hard place. Yes I am aware that too much radiation can eventually give you cancer but without doing a cat scan they are never going to know if i still have pneumonia, if the pneumonia is cleared up or if something else is going on. I keep telling myself okay the radiologist knows what they are doing so I dont have lung cancer. I start to get my anxiety and stress under control but then I am in pain again or I cough up blood again. I know anxiety does crazy things to your body but im not sure constant leg and joint pain is going to be caused by anxiety. The coughing up of blood is most definitely not caused by anxiety and the lymph node, how could that be caused by anxiety? I now have an awesome regular doctor but he says no way we arent doing a cat scan again, because the pneumonia would be gone by now. He is throwing all sorts of different meds at me to try to fix my problems, a snri, ativan, and an acid reducer. He seems to think i cough up blood on occasion because of a stomach ulcer. I think i would probably know if i had a stomach ulcer right? Ugh its all so confusing. I wished I never would have smoked, thats for sure. Everyday I wake up wondering if its my last day and then when i start to feel sick I think that im dying right now. So far everytime I have thought that, I have obviously been wrong but I still worry that it will happen. I cant see my kids for 2 more weeks and im seriously afraid im going to die before i see them again. I think i am reacting alot worse than people who have actually been diagnosed with something awful. If I was told I had something like lung cancer it would probably be easier for me to do everyday things. I would know what is going on, approximately how much time I have, and get treatment. I would fight fight fight! I feel like I cant do that now because if I do have something going on with me like lung cancer they wont catch it and I will just die one day instead of having the opportunity to fight! I am no longer living, i am just existing (barely existing). I hope your chest pain and pressure go away. I have that quite often and im afraid im dying and usually go to the hospital but as soon as im surrounded by those doctors I am fine again. Hope you feel better soon and best of luck to ya!

[Kaylee Quinlan]

thanks for all the input everyone! It definitely helps a little and I know I need to try to do normal everyday things because sitting around doing nothing is not going to help at all. It may also get rid of some of the stress and anxiety and who knows, maybe my physical symptoms will dissapear. And if they dont well than I guess the dr needs to do more for me.