I agree Emily, I found telling people helped me so much! Because now I can let them know "hey, I'm having a lot if anxiety right now" and they will learn how to help you handle it and if you have to leave they will understand and won't think your being rude. A lot of people used to think I was stuck up! But now I know it's best to let them know. I hate to hear your using alcohol and MDMA !! But understand completely! I have had this dissorder litterally my whole life. And I discovered drugs and alcohol completely "cured" me! And though that was just my own personal key to living! But I eventually at age 14 discovered heroin and that was the best It just made me feel normal. And I was okay I thought with living the life of a junkie over living completely paralyzed with in myself. But at around the age of about 27-28 I couldn't and didn't want that anymore. The things you find yourself doing to keep it up are damaging. And I started out with the same things you did but eventually they quit working. I'm not trying to come off as being preachy because I totally get it but if I could just help someone stop going down a terrible path it's worth it the sad thing is I'm 32 and am suffering just as badly if not worse and I waisted most of my youth to end up worse off! Have you tried talking to ur doctor about anxiety meds? I tried so many meds Paxil Prozac Zoloft etc... But those weren't strong enough. It's only now that I am actually able to even leave the house or talk to people, because I was given klonapin-a very successful medication for people like us. I'm only on a very small amount but it's amazing how helpful even that has been! Please for yourself try to get properly medicated!! It's so worth it! I would give ANYTHING to go back and undo my choices!! Sincerely , casstar01 hope this helped and didn't come off as though I'm downing you in any way.