I hope you're still active.

I had my first panic attack 3months ago. It was terrifying for me. Since then I've had 3 more and I feel crippled. I'm so afraid of the future. My panic attacks come at night when I'm falling asleep. I somehow think that the second I relax my whole body to fall asleep I will die. Because my airway will be crushed. Or my throat will not allow oxygen. My body jerks awake then I feel the symptoms setting in. My heart rate and my blood pressure rise, and I'm so scared.

The first time, I sat in the panic for three hours until I sobbed and woke my husband up. Now, I fee the symptoms creeping in and I immediately get up and leave the room.

The last time I did that was at 3am. I chugged vodka til I was drunk enough to pass out. That's no way to live.
I'm so scare to fall asleep. Every night.

I'm a stay at home mom and the only daily provider for my kids. I can't afford to be crippled by exhaustion or a hangover.
But I'm terrified of sleep.

I loved your post because I relate. Thank you so much for sharing.

Please offer advice. I have doctor appointments scheduled but for now...nighttime is so terrifying.