Problems swallowing eating with others

[OutgoingIntrovert]

Hi everyone- I'm new here. I have had anxiety and panic disorders for most of my life, but I experience episodes, usually during high stress periods in my life, when the symptoms get really bad. Then I have gone for many years without any symptoms. I have a lot on my plate right now, working full time, in graduate school, plus planning my wedding which is 6 months away. For the last several months, I have been having pretty bad anxiety and panic attacks. It peaked when I was in the airport cafeteria with some friends waiting for our flight. I don't remember being more anxious than normal and was coming home from a fun weekend with friends. Waiting for our flights, we got food and when I sat down to eat, I couldn't because I felt like I couldn't swallow. Then it just progressed and my vision got distorted. I was looking at my friend talking but couldn't really process what she was saying and was just noticing that her face looked strange. The lights seemed way to bright and overwhelming and my depth perception was totally off. I felt like I was in the twilight zone and it was so terrifying because I thought I was losing my mind, going crazy. I have never taken acid or any hallucinogen, but its how I imagine a "bad trip" would feel. At first I thought maybe I was having vision or maybe neurological problems or something that was causing me to be so disoriented and altering my vision but it happened a few times over the next 2 days, once at work, and once in the grocery store, and I started to realize that it probably was an anxiety attack or something. It was so creepy when it happened in the grocery store because as I walked through the aisles, my dept perception was totally skewed and I felt like I was walking and walking but not getting any closer to the end of the aisle. I panicked, left all my groceries and ran to my car. That day, I had to just lie down in a dark room my eyes closed because everything looked strange and made me feel panicked when I thought about it. I went to see a psychiatrist and she said it sounds like a type of panic attack called derealization, which by itself helped a lot to know it was just a form of anxiety and I wasn't losing my mind or vision. She also gave me ativan to take when needed which definitely helped me get over the hump. I have taken Zoloft for over 10 years which I started due to a bad episode of panic attacks in high school (different that time, I would faint or throw up at school). I had slightly reduced my Zoloft in the last year (SUPER slowly, like it took me 12 months to go from 150 mg to 100 mg), since I had been symptom-free for a solid 8 years of so and wanted to try reducing it slowly to avoid withdrawal and because I wanted to be off it by the time I am ready to have children. Anyways, when I told the psychiatrist this (I had been working with my PCP only before since I had been symptom-free for so long), she suggested going back up to the full dose at least until things settle down in my life and the panic attacks are under control. It has been better since then with the higher dose of Zoloft and as-needed Ativan, no more huge full-blown total disorientation panic attacks but I am still having the problem of feeling like I can't swallow and am going to choke. It's very odd, when I am eating with someone else, especially in the evenings and especially at restaurants, I have panic attacks where I feel like I don't have the ability to swallow. So if I take a bite or sip of something, I start thinking about swallowing and just like when you think about breathing, the act goes from being involuntary to voluntary and I panic, feeling like I don't have the ability to swallow and I am choking. My instinct is to get up and run out, although I obviously don't and just try to hide it but my whole body is in full flight-or-fight mode. Even swallowing saliva creates this panic once I have in on my mind. Once I start to feel like this, I feel like I constantly need to be moving and fidgeting, playing on my phone, doing something to distract myself, and sometimes I can manage to eat or drink a bit if I do this but sometimes I just can't eat and have to take my food home with me. Sometimes we have to just ask for the check and go because I am totally freaking out. It sounds strange and I know its irrational because I clearly do have the ability to swallow and I recognize that its just my mind overthinking things but it doesn't make the experience any less terrifying and I can't seem to overcome it. Going out to eat is becoming very unpleasant and it's tough on relationships, plus I love going out to eat normally. I am trying to figure out what it is about going out to eat or eating with others that triggers the panic attacks or if its unrelated. It seems to be worse if its very quiet or very loud, and the lighting in the room tends to bother me when it happens, but I don't know if the lighting contributes to it or if when I'm about to have a panic attack my vision is just more sensitive to lighting. It usually happens in the evening, on weeknights, and when I'm eating at a restaurant. It never happens when I am eating alone. But it happens if I'm with friends, coworkers, and even my fiance, so it doesn't seem to be triggered by discomfort around who I'm around. And I don't have any body image issues or eating disorder tendencies so I don't think its related to anxiety about food or calories or weight. It has happened a few times eating with my fiance at home, when we were sitting at the table, but never when we are eating at the table in the living room, watching a movie or TV or something. It's normally in the evening but has happened a few times at lunch with coworkers, once in a small conference room and once at a restaurant. Has anyone else experienced this? Any ideas what could be causing it? I think getting a better idea of what causes it could help me to manage it better, so would love to hear insight if you have experienced something similar and found ways to manage or stop the symptoms, without having to just stop going out to eat. Thank you!

[Zixx76]

Hi outgoing!
I have the same issue. I have GAD PD AND SAD and agorophobiam my anxiety also causes me to have eating issues. If my stomach gurgles or is upset Ibget anxiety/panic. And when its bad I cannot eat with others socially. Especially in restaurants or public places. In my experience I believe it is the fear of having anxiety/panic in front of people that triggers the episode.

[Edie Ofstedal]

I couldn't eat anything unless I was by myself, or with my family for 3 years. It was the most horrible thing, especially when I thought I could try it out again after a few months, and would feel like I couldn't swallow, like I was choking, and nauseous (even though I hadn't eaten anything). And making excuses (mid anxiety attack) is never any fun at all. Several times in restaurants, I would try a few bites, and things would be going well. Halfway through the meal, I would realize that I'm full, and then the anxiety would hit. I was afraid that I would now feel nauseous and have another panic attack. And I did have to run out of several restaurants, which is just a nightmare. Sitting in a dark restaurant evaluating escape routes while attempting to seem calm and normal is something I'd rather not relive

I am very lucky that after a few years it passed, probably because I increased my dosage of Sertraline (Zoloft) from 100mg to 200, a very large dose.
A year later, I am back down to 100mg and have less problems with eating in public. I never figured out what caused it really, but my guess is that my anxiety manifested itself in the fear of feeling nauseous. This, in turn, made me fear eating in public because of the possibility of nausea, and the potential awkwardness that would ensue if I had an anxiety attack in front of other people and hurled all over my dinner companions. So in the end, it was essentially anxiety of getting an anxiety attack in public, that was probably randomly manifesting itself in food. It's a hard one to work around.

I think our experiences are somewhat similar, and what worked for me was increasing my dosage, waiting a few weeks, and slowly trying to eat out again. Or try eating in a public park, then an informal restaurant. I still sit close to the door if I'm feeling anxious at all just in case I can make a fast escape. It's the possibility in my mind that I could escape if I wanted to, that makes the whole situations better.
Anyway, I hope that helped. I hope you figure it out, because it's horrible, and I can relate.
Good luck.