Could my PCOS be keeping me depressed and anxious?

[whothehellami]

I really don't know how I can paint the full picture of what's goin on but, here it goes...
So my #1 dream in life has always been to have my own children. Even when I was small, before I had any career in mind, I knew that's what I wanted. When I reached age 10, I was diagnosed with polycystic ovarian syndrome. In addition to making me gain a ton of weight, having insulin resistance, growing access facial and body hair,it also makes it very likely that I am infertile. From that time til now (I am 26 in Sept.) I can identify as being depressed, and having some anxiety, although the anxiety has been the frontrunner to the depression for the past 3 or 4 years.I recently read that the pcos can cause or worsen both of these conditions. The problem is I have always been functional to a certain extent, and had short periods in life were I was a little content but never happy. The past 3 years have been a downward spiral that I can't overcome. To keep it simple, I have been abandoned by my ex fiancee in los Angeles after moving from New Orleans which has felt like I don't belong here after katrina, lost a car and my apartment just a couple weeks apart, been date raped,my dog (who is my baby) has been crippled for 3 years, and most recently I lost my previous job in april, and 3 weeks ago, my boyfriend beat me up and threatened me, which broke my spirit most of all. Just last week I started a new job and I thought it would give me some hope, but I already feel like I have to force myself to carry on. I still think about the man that I loved so much everyday. I know I won't ever go back to him, I just can't get over what happened. He was the only real friend I hung out with and the rare moments of happiness were with him. Not only do I get random anxiety/panic attacks, I am always agitated, sad hopeless, can't understand how to be happy. In addition to the mental illness, I have physical pains and ailments that seem so unrelated that I think every doc I see thinks I'm a hypochondriac. Once again I recently read that the pcos can manifest a lot of physical pain or discomfort. I am at the end of my rope, how could someone be so unhappy for 16 years? I only have one friend I talked to on the phone regularly cuz she moved to another state and I miss her. Other than her, I find that I don't want to talk to anyone else. I wish I wanted to be social because I make friends so easily and my friends thought I was funny and they like me but I have a hard time reaching out and I think it cuz I don't want to bring others into my depression and I can't fake being happy. I have so many intrusive negative thoughts, nothing to look forward to in life and often feel like I can't keep dragging myself around. Don't get me wrong, I don't think I could ever kill myself, (scared to die, don't want to hurt family), but I get tired of living. If this pcos is causing or amplifying these issues, I feel like I can never get anyone to listen bc every doc I see dismisses it. I am so miserable, I guess I just needed to get things off my chest.

[JustAnotherAttack]

You posted this 15 days ago, so I don't know if you'll check this, but I feel a lot of what you feel.
I was diagnosed with PCOS when I was 17 and was told that I probably wont be able to get pregnant on my own w/o help of doctors.
I met an amazing man and we want to have a family, but have tried to get pregnant for 5 years now and the only pregnancy I had resulted in a miscarriage.
It took a lot out of me emotionally.
I was diagnosed with severe depression and PTSD as a child due to some crap that happened to me for 10 years while I was growing up.
Two years ago I started having panic attacks. I don't know if PCOS is related to panic attacks and depression, but I wouldn't doubt it.
PCOS has screwed up my life and hurt my chances of being able to produce children, so I'm pretty sure that it would also lend its helping hand to my anxiety and depression too, lol.
I try so much to be happy and optimistic, but at times I find that I've just given up and I stay happy and optimistic because I want people to think I'm alright.
Most of the time I'm eating myself alive inside just hoping that someday I'll feel normal. I know how you feel. I've had crappy relationships too that messed me up pretty bad at times.
Phsyically abusive/emotionally abusive/verbally abusive relationships can cause depression and anxiety too which I have experienced as well.
I don't know if you'll read this or anything, but you can always talk to me. We have a lot in common and its always helpful to be able to talk to people that understand.