We live in a world where we work so hard to portray ourselves in the best light possible, we have confused ourselves of how we truly feel in our attempt to appear perfect. Mental health you say? No, not me, that's for weak minded people is the general consensus amongst today's population. This is an all too common theme in society and the stigma attached to such a subject is bewildering. There are certain conversational taboo's that one is taught not to talk about; death and ever increasingly, mental health. It is almost as if it is a sign of weakness to admit you have problems but it takes a concoction of a strong character and a good size set of balls to openly admit against such prejudice.
I have had anxiety now since December 2012 and whilst I can see the difference from then until now, there are still periods of time that scare me. I have always been a logical and rational thinker who divulges in over-thinking which made calming myself in periods of panic extremely difficult. In a way, you end up triggering most attacks off yourself as you say 'what if I have an attack?', 'I'll definitely have an attack there'. We have planted the inception in our brains already which makes the task much harder than it usually would be. The worst thing about mental health is the fact it gives you a sense of loneliness that would have to be experienced to be explained. I'm here to tell you that you aren't alone, in fact, there are hundreds of thousands of people currently under-going the same thing as you and there have been millions before. There seems to be a lack of hope in the publications of mental health which makes the voyage of returning to your old-self seem like an Everest. During times of anxiety, our bodies are overwhelmed with fear and thoughts and the part of our brain that processes thoughts has to detach itself from your thinking pattern as it is too much to handle. This breaks down barriers in our logical and rational thinking, meaning, things that were once a run of the mill thought are now virtually unexplainable. In extreme cases, this can have the consequential effect of triggering off something called 'depersonalisation' where one is removed from the self. The comforting world that we never once questioned before becomes a spectacular sphere of fear.
In retrospect, it's hard for me to pin down why it is exactly I started having anxiety attacks and I think sufferers of the condition could back up this claim. The more you ask 'Why?' it becomes ironically harder to answer. Since accepting my condition and spending a dark few months stuck to my bed in fear of leaving the house, missing calls from friends and distancing myself from everyone, the depression became too much and I began to fight back. I personally believe that the answer to problems are within; anxiety derives from our journey of life, no journey is ever the same so how could a little blue pill cure me and thousands of other sufferers? I personally don't have anything against medication I just believed I had to tackle my demons head on. Since accepting I was a sufferer of anxiety, I began an expedition of evaluating my life. I could never remember my childhood and the repression may have something to do with it. It was an extremely hard bringing up I received but I only let my downfalls motivate me rather than break me but no matter how strong you appear to be, everything catches up one day. The patterns of our behaviour are the blueprints of our childhood and any emotional blocks we have set up are a derivative of our younger experiences.
I know how hard it can be. Sometimes sleep is the only thing you can look forward to as it is the only escape to conscious living, even then nightmares can step in to remind you that you can't hide. I'm here to share my experiences to comfort you that someone experiences what you feel and to tell you there is hope. Cut out caffeine, go on a run, focus yourself on productive stuff, write stuff down, talk to friends. This advice can all seem a bit 'hallmark' but believe me it works. Thinking you are alone is one thing but putting yourself in a bubble that makes it impossible for people to help you is another. Only you hold the key to open up the lock to what it is that bothers you and through patience and belief, you can unlock the door to a new world. I went from shaking at the thought of leaving the house to go the shops for my Mum to starting my own website and business that should be in every city of the UK in a few years. I do not profess to be completely cured nor do I profess to being the guardian of the answer, I'm just a normal guy who let things get on top of him on the inside whilst telling everyone I'd never been better on the out.
We have to stick together and you have to believe that you can get better, day by day.
Keep fighting the good fight.
Welcome to the Anxiety Forum - A Home for Those with Anxiety, Fear, or Panic Attacks.
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