Relationship help

[Kindalost]

I was diagnosed with Anxiety about a month ago, though my doctor thinks its been going on for years. I have also battled with depression though I have never been diagnosed as I can't afford to go get help. (I live in the country and there are no free programs.) Here is my problem. I am 30 years old. I have never been in a relationship, though I have let men "use me" in hopes of one. My anxiety keeps getting in the way with the ones that are great. I'm convinced that every guy is going to leave me anyway so I do everything to scare them off. (It doesn't help that all the role model men have left me too. My parents were divorced and though I did see my dad I loved my dad. He passed away when I was 21. My step dad left my mom 4 years ago too.)

I'm really wondering if anyone else has dealt with this. I'm noticing I think horrible things are going to happen and that everyone is plotting against me. The current man I'm interested in is also seeing a friend of a friend and she started talking about me to him. I don't know this women so I went a little crazy and went off on him a bit. I apologized, and I want to tell him why, but I just met him a couple weeks ago and I'm worried he wont talk to me.

I guess I'm wondering how do you deal with this? Does anyone have some tips to help me calm down. I really want to find someone to spend time with and would love to finally have a relationship. Any help is great as now that I know what is causing this I would love to learn to control it.

[DodgingRain]

I hate the paranoia. It's hard because you can't tell if it's real or just the illness.

[Sherry Ivanna Prichodko]

In my experience, the best thing you can do to control the anxiety is to realize a couple of things:
1. Be the person you've always wanted to be. People are attracted to confidence, so be the kind of person you would want to be with. Make a list of qualities that you would like to have, such as confident, clever, strong-willed, ambitious, kind... etc. If you concentrate on becoming a better person, you will naturally attract people.
2. Realize you are strong and that you can handle anything. Even rejection. This comes with a, "You don't like me? Your loss" attitude.
3. Set boundaries for yourself. This has really helped me. Instead of your crush saying, "hey, this is getting to be too much," wouldn't it be great if you said, "Hey I'm really busy, but we can set up a time to talk/skype/go on a date at X time next week, if you'd like."? Forcing yourself to play a little hard-to-get can do wonders for your self-confidence and for your potential relationships. This way, you're not constantly checking your phone. You know you'll see this person next week. Your expectations of this person can be more aligned in this way.
4. You first. Remember that YOU are most important. You can't give yourself to someone else if you can't help yourself first. Therefore, you always take priority.

[Sourcon33]

Hey send me a message I may be able to help you out!

[Lin]

I personally would concentrate on getting yourself better and wait and see what relationships come along. When you are feeling better in yourself you will do so much better in relationships. I have been married for 28 years and this bout of depression is lasting so long it is ruining our lives. But luckily we both realise it is the illness not our marriage, so we will not end because of it, but unfortunately my husband does not understand depression at all and cannot help me, but I have to accept that and all the extra pressure that brings.