Almost 2 years ago i experienced something which caused heavy anxiety panic attacks and depression. For about 1.5 year this was all i could think of and i was constantly occupied with negative thoughts. I have gotten better since then, but generall anxiety and some depression still remain. The worst thing, which i hope someone can come with tips for , is the part with physical contact with women. This was never an issue before by the way.
The thing is: i have no problem with talking to women, but when i know something is about to happen, something happens with me and i get very nervous and feel very unwell and i only want to get away. I always back out of these situations, which feels releaving at that moment, but i hate myself afterwards, because i know i have to overcome this somehow.
This is not just because i want to get laid, that is actually the last reason, but i have big problems establishing relationships with women because i know that after beeing together with a women a couple of times, i know that certain things are expected, and this is what i want too. I have not told anyone about it execpt my theurapist, which maybe can make it worse, because i feel i have to 'deliver results' to my friends, because i actually was very popular with the ladies before.

I dont know what causes it, but the 1.5 year with heavy anxiety and depression definitely has something to do with it. Maybe i am afraid that i wont be able to achieve and erection because i feel so nervous. I try to tell my self its not 'dangerous', but that only makes me engaging in the negative thoughts, which i have learned does not cause good.

I really hope someone can help me, and i have a hope that everything needed is for me to get past this 'challenge' just once, so i see there is nothing to fear. I guess its similar to the first time you jump from a high spot into the water. Its incredibly terrifying at first ( at least for me), but after the first time, maybe two, your not scared at all.

Thanks for listening to me guys, much love.