Wow, I think I know exactly what you are going through. Allthough I haven't been suffering from it as long as you do, I strongly relate to your symptoms. My anxiety set off "ligthly" enough (when I look back at it). Got my self admitted to a hospital when I thought for some reason I would lose control and kill a lot of people but the same kind of thoughts you started to have haunts me every minut of every day now.I can feel how this is slowly, but surely breaking me down psycichly. The weird way you all of a sudden give the question of reality, meaning, relevance and importance. like if I had just woken up from a 20 year long sleep and was viewing the world for the first time out of sheer fear. I'm constantly on edge, I can't look at the stars any more, for I would feel so small and fragile, unstable followed by strong surges of angst when I involuntarily would simulate the size of the univserse in my head.

Welcome!
Let's hope we recover fully!