I have been fighting anxiety attacks for about 10 years now. I have gone through phases of crippling anxiety that have taken big physical effects on my body (intestinal spasms, stomach ulcers, huge weight loss, vomiting/nausea), to the point where it was hard to even just go outside. There has also been phases where I feel like a normal person who can somewhat function in the world.

Last year, I was prescribed a low dose of xanax which I was hesitant about,being raised to take a more holistic approach at medicine. I only took it when it was very necessary. Recently, I have been taking it 2-3 times a week max.

I have a huge fear of dying, among countless other fears. But I feel like I'm going insane.Things scare me, irrational things (overall society, humans, laughter, outer space,tv, certain foods, self awareness) The last panic attack I had was one of the worst I think I have ever had. It sounds silly but it was VERY real and uncomfortable for me. I had a huge anxiety attack when I was hit with Self realization. The moment I realized that I have a history, a story, an ego, a bone structure and guts with skin that gives me a physical "identity" that separates me from other humans, I have a sound and letters that is my name that follows that "identity". I tried to tell my parents, but my mom just thought I had been taking psychedelics. I have never tried any drug beside a teenage phase of marijuana and some alcohol.
I was wondering if this could be caused from the more frequent use of Xanax? Or do I have a mental disorder beyond Anxiety? Has anyone else had a "Existential Anxiety Attack"? I really need help and advice please. I feel like I cant fathom the world around me..

Thanks