Hi there,
I don't know what to say. I can't organize my thoughts enough to express how stuck I am. I'm just at the end of my rope with my anxiety. I am truly at the end, but I want to climb out of this cage that I live in. I'm honestly not trying to complain, I just feel as though I need some sort of help.

I don't know what to tell you. I'm 19 years old, and I have been struggling with anxiety since at least 10th grade, though I have always been a timid girl. At first, I just thought that I was too self-aware, but now whatever it is that I feel is unbearable. It is currently 630am and I have yet to sleep. I don't even like sleeping anymore because I wake up more tired than I was before- my dreams are very vivid and my brain doesn't get much rest. I haven't left my house since Friday... Even then I had to leave my house to go to out patients to renew my prescription. With that being said, I have seen professionals before and they are always somewhat fascinated by my level of anxiety. I usually shake when I talk to people. Come to think of it, I shake my feet when I'm laying in bed too...
I feel weird leaving my house alone. I don't know what it is. I think I just need someone with my to distract my mind. I swear it is more powerful than I am. I can't walk alone.

I'm not sure what to do. Whatever I feel, feels wrong. I constantly feel overwhelmed. First my head aches, my blood turns hot, then I start feeling very "off" but repeatedly tell myself that I am okay. My stomach turns and occasionally I vomit.

I'm scared of being alive. Is that okay? I'm not afraid to LIVE because I want to do that, but I'm scared of being alive... of being in my body and in my mind. I can't even believe that I am writing this because I'm usually so nervous about it.

I'm choking on tears.

Just please, please tell me whatever you can to help me. I don't expect any of you to have all of the answers, I am willing to find some myself. I will do whatever I have to in order to escape this mental prison.

Desperately,

Ash