I started dating a guy we'll call Jason at the beginning of this year. The previous summer, we had a fling but I was finishing up school and therefore lived in a different city than him, and I ended up telling him I wanted to focus on school. In the fall I ended up dating one of my coworkers (we'll call John), knowing well that it was out of loneliness; I just wanted a companion, all the while having feelings for Jason. I just didn't want to do long-distance--it stresses me out too much. When I came home for Christmas break Jason and I hung out a lot and it was clear to me I needed to end things with John.

I had one more month on my lease so I had to go live in my college town for that month and then move back home. Literally as soon as I got back to my apartment I ended things with John but didn't tell him there was someone else because I didn't want there to be drama and/or tension at work for my last month there. John was extremely upset by this but was also understanding. Later that night Jason and I had "the talk" and became boyfriend and girlfriend.

I still wanted to be friends with John. There were a few times when I texted him telling him I missed him and didn't want things to be how they were, and we even hung out. Nothing physical ever happened between us, we just watched documentaries and/or talked.

This is where the anxiety comes in. I told one of my good friends (who also worked with me and John) that I had cheated on him with Jason. I'm paranoid that if John were to find out I cheated he would try contacting my boyfriend (via Facebook?),sending him screenshots of the texts I sent him, making it look like we were still talking even though we weren't. It sounds childish but I think about it a lot and wonder how my boyfriend would react to that? I'm also not sure if I should tell him all of this because I don't want it to sound sketchy when nothing happened but I also want to be honest because I love and respect him so much.

Blah, my mind keeps racing about it. When I type it all out it sounds so silly and I realize there are a lot of "what if's" going through my mind. A lot of my anxiety revolves around intense guilt, even with careless mistakes. If for some reason John were to contact my boyfriend (from what I know he doesn't know who Jason is) I would feel so bad for not explaining the situation to him first. Ugh