here we go again... table turns from :'D to D':

[namaste87]

I just had the most amazing weekend on the contryside with friends and I girl I like. It has been truly magical and I have been so happy and alive and thankfull. And then it all makes a U-turn from heaven to hell - I start to feel rejected by my friends and then I start to think of all the things that will make all this go away, all these good things, I will lose it all, I won't be able to live the way I want to, I won't get to be with that girl I like so much cause of all the things that are wrong with me and all the problems that makes US impossible. When I got of the tram on my way home I had to run so that I could get to my apartment and cry my heart and lungs out. Life ain't worth living and all this death anxiety makes me start to formulate my suicide letter in my head. My friends turn into my enemies.

I am so tired of not being able to be happy about good experiences and events in my life. I just get scared to death that I will lose all those good things and then I just don't want to live anymore.