Feeling Emotionless (I think...)

[Karinakamichi]

Feeling emotionless (I think)...?

First off, I have PDD-NOS with Aspergers behaviors, ADHD, and Anxiety. I take Vyvanse (30mg), Ability (5mg), and Gabapentin (500mg) per day.

Anymore, I feel really emotionless. Nothing I do is driven by emotion or passion, but rather by instinct. I feel like I have to. I never feel like I WANT to any
thing.

Secondly, I feel no attachment to any of my Family or Friends, or even myself. I'm not saying I want I want to die, but down deep, there's nothing that tells me I want to live.

I can't cry when I should, as my body PHYSICALLY holds back my emotions, until I have a mental breakdown.

When I DO cry, it's not because I'm really sad, rather, it's because of change of routine, or because of anxiety. It's ALWAYS one or the other.

Thirdly, I'm always either wishing I could go back in time, wishing I could live in a fantasy world, or wishing I had someone I could truly rely on. I know it's not real thinking, but it hurts so bad.

I'm always doubting my religion, and beliefs. I feel helpless a lot, like everyone is so much more talented then me.

I constantly want to write dark hurt/comfort stories, and I think it's to encourage myself, but it never does.

I a lot of trouble expressing myself. I never smile or laugh because I'm happy, for it's all just an act to fit in.

Anyway, that's not all of it, but I haven't got all day to explain it. Does anyone know what could be going on? Anybody have any suggestions? This has been going on for about four or five years, when I started taking Abilify.