***Please read if you can I know its a lot but I need some advice on my situation***

So I'll guess I'll dive straight into it, I have anxiety pretty bad - though only had it for 4 or 5 years which have been terrible for me. i have pretty much 0 friends i don't text anyone but family occasionally. i can talk to people (with help from this "evil" med) but i cant upkeep a friendship or even an intimate relationship and i've been like this since it all started. the anxiety crippled me from ever learning what friendship was like or dating early so i never learned, i never went to prom, or dances. Top that with horrible nervousness all the time heart pain, and oh yeah i cant stand in front of people or even be in a crowd of just 10+ people without just dieing. I have been taking 2 mg twice a day of lorazepam (ativan) for the past straight 2 1/2 years. now since im 18 i can no longer get it and im seeing the permanent damage its done, such as cognitive and balance issues (a lot of times i can lose balance easy and almost tip over) and coming down from it has been so terrible ( but im happy im not addicted to it at least ^-^ ) and without this "confidence booster medication" dealing with my anxiety has been worse, however im happy to be off this crap.
I would like to live a normal life like so many other teenagers before me, able to give speeches to crowds, socialize or even have friends. but this condition has crippled me as a person and i hate it. i hate taking these meds and living such a horribly lonely and sad life. \

how it all started :

I don't know if my anxiety is a chemical imbalance or its just my head but here how it came about:
It all started in my 8th grade summer when i was 13 and my friends wanted me to smoke weed. back then i still had a limited amount of friends but more then i have
today. i was a normal kid, but i was full of happiness and bullied alot, however it never affected me! i was a happy go lucky kid..anything went nothing phased me
i was even happy to be the center of attention and in front of people, i also like to be funny and the class clown, i was a totally differnet person then i was today...
Anyways i would smoke pot often, a few months down the road on an isolated incident at a barber shop i noticed an overwhelming feeling of fear and
anxiety from getting just my haircut... i was confused as to why this was happening, but i was able to fight through it and survive. then later that year when my 8th grade year started, November came around. and one night at my friends i was smoking bowl after bowl after bowl. then my freinds brother took out this stuff called
"roach dope" weed placed into a bowls barrel with fermenting weed rez (he was also known to smoke crack..) after taking one hit of that... things slowly faded to black and time skipped 4 hours on the clock! and i had such an intensely fast beating heart and the worse feeling of doom and my mind kept skipping and things were speed up to me, i also had little feeling in senses and before i knew it i was outside walking home. If i didn't have these bad feelings it would probably ben a good
time being high... however im not describing to you how bad it felt... it was like i was dieing. once i think i finally got home my first instinct was to grab a book alleviate the pressure of things on my chest and try and live, my heart beat, and the sense of "death" was so strong it was unbelievable, but after what seemed eternity it finally came down.
after that i was done with weed. however my problems with anxiety was only beginning... the following week at school i was dealing with extreme heart rates anxiety
and feeling of dread (worries) and one point i almost blacked out, but i got to the nurses office and had to lay on her bed and wait for someone to get me.
then i started not going to school for months on end , i just couldn't do it! well that how i got truancy court and started going to smaller schools for expelled kids
where i pretty much remained since i dropped out at 16. Anyways back to the story, eventually all i as left was these regular anxiety stuff i explained earlier
however being my only friend group were stoners, i was compelled (by my own doing) to try it, 6 months after the incident i tried at least 3 hits, and boy guess what
happened? that night all over again! however the residual effects weren't that bad. and since then I've never done it.

I really want to know if there are better methods of almost "solving" my anxiety so in order to live or be functional, i dont have to do so by taking a pill every day,
I know therapy helps with most people, but i think with my case it might work but i think my anxiety is from a chemical imbalance.

if anyone has similiar storys, not even including weed but anything that can help... im DONE dealing or "coping" with this....

i want to feel normal...