For as long as I can recall, I've been insanely phobic of getting a job. I've worried, made excuses, and avoided it like a pro, but the longer I put it off, the more I felt it pressing down on me. I'm twenty-one years old now! I kept thinking. If I can't get a handle on this now, I'll never have any work experience when I need to apply for an actually career, and I'll end up homeless. I have a tendency to catastrophize, you see.

Anyway, I recently decided to overcome my fears by conquering them one by one. Getting a job has always been one of my Big Three anxiety-inducers, and I intended to put it off as I tackled smaller ones first. Last night, however, I sent out an application to Payless, mostly just to prove to myself that I could, and skirting by on the assumption that they probably wouldn't call anyway. Then, they did. This morning. And they asked me to go in for an interview within the hour.

So, in a state of panic, I decided not to give myself time to think about it (because that's often my downfall), and go for it. I was sweating and nauseated and foggy-headed.

Somehow, I got the job. I honestly don't know what happened. I can't remember the interview too well, but I gather I did well.

Now, I'm here. FREAKING OUT. I haven't eaten all day because I'm queasy, I haven't been able to sit still, and just knowing that I need to go in three days from now to start training has me in a tizzy. What if I screw up? What if I don't learn fast enough? What if I can't understand the manager's accent? What if someone comes in, and they speak Spanish, and I don't speak Spanish? What if I get sick one day and have to call out, but he thinks I'm lying and fires me? What if WHAT IF WHAT IF WHAT IF I'M GOING TO MAKE MYSELF THROW UP.

I know that my thought process is toxic right now, and that I'm not doing myself any favors by dwelling on possibilities that might never even come to pass, but nothing I'm currently trying is helping me to knock it off for more than a few minutes.

Please. If there are any of you who've been in a similar situation, could you tell me how you got through it? How did you overcome your fear? What was the outcome?

Also, have any of you worked in retail? Can you tell me what it's like? How do you handle anxiety-inducing situations when they occur while at work?

Gosh, that's a lot of questions. I'm sorry for the ramble. Any and all advice would be more than appreciated. You have no idea how much I need it right now! <:] Thanks to everyone.