I am typing this in the hopes of knowing how to help my husband. We have been married for 5 yrs and have a 15 month old son. My DH, 3 yrs ago over night basically had a mental breakdown due to frequent urination and has been paralyzed by fear since. I honestly believe I understand anxiety better that any therapist out there. I have read and done my research and been there for my husband these past 3 yrs.
Something has got to give. Neither one of us can go on like this but I am at my wits end. I work full time and have responsibility over everything financial, emotional. I keep everything together. My DH stays home with our 15 month old and hasn't worked in the past 3 yrs. I also look after the house, do all the house work, take care of our 3 pets. Clearly no person can handle all of that forever. I have no escape, no friends, no life. I wake up go to work, answer the phone when DH is terrified and try to calm him down while trying not to get fired due to his frequent calls. I come home take over taking care of our son, clean, take the dogs out, cook while he follows me around talking about his fears and anxieties, He gets mad if I take any time for myself to take a shower, got to bed early etc. because he is terrified 24/7 and needs me to his logic, to calm him down.
He is aware he is irrational and that he puts a huge strain on me and is worried I will leave. But at the same time he is completely oblivious to how I work myself to death and live for everyone in my family but for me. He lacks to see how much work emotional of physical I put in on a daily basis, and the kind of life and support I provide.

We have tried therapist, medications etc. nothing has worked. We don't have health insurance so he was going through the state for therapy and due to the cut backs they only due group therapy, no individual so that made him panic more and made him worse.

Part of him not getting better is his subconscious self sabotage every time he makes steps for the better. Almost as if he is afraid to get better. He is unable to stick to any routine that would give him relief (hobby, exercise, eating right etc.) He is stuck in his head so much he short term memory loss, just basically isn't living life. At all.

I feel as me being a strong person and being there, maybe too much is enabling him. I push and support him constantly but nothing is never enough. He sucks me dry of any energy.
He needs to take responsibility of his own healing. How do I help him get HIMSELF better and stop leaning on me? This is absolutely destroying our marriage because I haven't been a wife or a woman in a long time. I am simply a caretaker or a mother.

What is there left to do?